Wireless Devices

By Patti Agatston, Ph.D. 

In 2006, I had the opportunity to conduct focus group interviews with students on the topic of cyberbullying. I partnered with Dr. Robin Kowalski and Dr. Susan Limber, psychologists at Clemson University who had already conducted a national survey on cyberbullying with students in grades 6 through 8. To build on that knowledge, we interviewed 148 middle and high school students in public schools. We selected schools in part for their diverse socioeconomic status.

Here’s what we found.  (The full data from the focus groups appears in the December issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.)

Learning Point #1:  Cyberbullying is impacting the school.  Girls are particularly concerned about this issue.

We asked students if they thought that cyberbullying was a problem at their particular school.  The groups were separated by gender. I interviewed the female focus groups and a male colleague interviewed the male groups.  The majority of students in the female group agreed that it was a problem; however, the reaction was more mixed among male groups.  This fits with the research that suggests that females are more involved in cyberbullying as both perpetrators and targets (Kowalski, Limber and Agatston, 2007).  However, in each of our groups, students could give examples of how classmates or neighbors had been impacted by cyberbullying.

Learning Point #2:  Don’t believe that just because a site is blocked, kids won’t be able to access it.

The students were very tech savvy, particularly at the high school level.  We asked the groups if they were able to access blocked sites on our school district server, and both males and females were knowledgeable about using “proxy servers” to bypass the blocks.  We must do much more than rely upon blocks and filters to protect our children.  We need to have conversations with them about the issue.

Learning Point #3:  Few parents/guardians and educators are talking to students about cyberbullying.

We asked students in the focus groups whether their parents/guardians or teachers were talking to them about cyberbullying, and the majority of the students answered an emphatic “no.”   A few students did give examples of Internet safety messages that parents were discussing with them, but the messages did not include information about how people treat one another online. 

One school was implementing a bullying prevention program, and the girls in that focus group said that cyberbullying had been discussed in the classroom, but that was the one exception.  We need to weave cyberbullying into our messages about bullying in general.

Learning Point #4:  Students are reluctant to tell adults if they experience cyberbullying. 

While students could give some strategies for dealing with cyberbullying, such as ignore or block the sender of the message, they were reluctant to involve adults.  The most common reason was that they feared losing access to their technology.  As one girl said, “If I tell my mom that someone is sending me mean instant messages [IMs], she’ll say, ‘Well than you don’t need to IM.’” 

In addition, they did not believe that adults at home or school would be particularly helpful in addressing the situation.  This was particularly true with adults at school.  As one boy said:  “What can they do?  It’s happening at home, not at school.” 

Adults need to avoid overreacting yet offer effective assistance in order to be viewed as legitimate and trustworthy resources by youth.

Learning Point #5:  Student bystanders who witness cyberbullying often do nothing to help, but when they do help, it makes a difference.

Many of the students in our focus groups shared stories of witnessing cyberbullying incidences online, but indicated that they did not do anything to alert adults or assist the targeted student.  They did share that they “felt sorry” for the person who was targeted.  This is consistent with Dan Olweus’s research (1993) on the bullying circle that demonstrates that the majority of students do not participate in bullying, but instead witness it, feel uncomfortable or distressed about it and are uncertain what to do to help.

This has obvious implications for prevention and intervention with cyberbullying.  We tell the story in our book, Cyber Bullying: Bullying in the Digital Age (2007), of a middle school girl who was targeted with a profile that both threatened and made fun of her.  I interviewed the girl’s mother, and she shared that her daughter was able to deal with the abuse a little better because some of her friends went to the site and posted positive comments about her and messages of support for her. 

Such messages of support are so powerful for students who feel frightened, embarrassed, humiliated and alone.  

Conclusion

Our youth have much to teach us about how young people are interacting with technology today.  The benefits of technology far outweigh the negatives.  As parents/guardians and educators, we can assist young people in making the digital world a positive experience for everyone. Remember, without our guidance, they will make up the rules themselves!  

BOX:

Suggested guidelines for young teens on using technology responsibly:

• Do not send messages when you are angry.
• Do not use technology to embarrass or humiliate someone.
• Do not use another person’s password and screen name or user name.
• Do not take photos with a wireless phone without the person’s permission.
• Do not post photos online or forward them to others without permission.
• If you see someone being targeted by cyberbullying, let an adult know.  Saving the evidence helps.
• Post or send positive messages of support to help someone who is being targeted.
• Do your part to make the digital world a positive place!

Links:

www.cyberbullyhelp.com.

Link to article:  Students Perspectives on Cyberbullying in the December issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health:

http://www.jahonline.org/article/PIIS1054139X07003680/fulltext

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Patti Agatston, PhD, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and co-author of the book, Cyber Bullying:  Bullying in the Digital Age.  She is a certified trainer for the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program and works for the Cobb County School District in Marietta, Georgia.

Students in Amy Lutes’ business computer classes at Hampshire High School in Hampshire, Illinois, shared their thoughts on technology and safety with bNetS@vvy. Here’s what a few students had to say, unedited. We hope these can spark discussions with the young people in your life.

I have used technology a lot in my life; it is what I base most of my information off of. From watching TV to always being on the computer it takes up most of my time. But without it most of society would be lost. 

MySpace has taken over teen lives and has led to a big breakthrough in technology. Technology will be around forever and is a big part of the world now.

- Connor M., high school freshman

Nowadays, kids seem to have many privileges. They all have cell phones and sit on the computer all day. Having their own phone is helpful for the parents. Kids can also call them in case of emergency or for whatever the problem is. It’s a way to help the parent know where their child is. Phones are safe as long as they know how to use them. But if they are giving out their phone number to random people, they could just be getting themselves into trouble.

Many parents worry that their children could be getting into trouble online. If they are chatting to people they do not know, they have a point. But with the computer programs we have, we can prevent that from happening. These programs keep hackers out and can prevent viruses from entering your computer. Many of these programs have parental controls so [parents] can limit the Websites their children are allowed to visit. They can be safe as long as the parents and teachers do something to prevent it.

- Juan M., high school senior

There was this one girl on MySpace from a school nearby who had problems on her account. She was only l4 years old and thought that no one could harm her on a Website. But there was this guy who wanted to know who she was and asked her to be his friend.   She accepted him and he looked through her MySpace page and found out all of her information.   Then he went to her house and luckily her parents were home because he was going to do something bad.  She was one of the lucky people.   Her parents told her to delete her MySpace or hide her information. I think parents and everybody should know the [dangers].

- Dylan N., high school freshman

There are many ways I am technology-safe. If I have a password for anything (computer, phone) I do not give it out. At school, in order to log on you need to put in your student ID. No one knows my student ID.   Another way I protect myself is by putting a lock on my phone. You cannot listen to my voicemail or read my texts unless you put the code in.

My main focus is staying safe on my computer. It is very easy for a predator to find out what you look like and where you live. … So I do not have a MySpace and I don’t let my friends post pictures or information about me on theirs. I think it is very stupid to put where you live out on the Internet. It is so unsafe and could lead to terrible things. Young people need to be made more aware of those things.

- Tia I., high school freshman

The Internet offers no privacy. MySpace  … is a fun Website that keeps friends in touch through comments, pictures and messages. Millions of people access Myspace every day, and while they think they’re safe with their personal email addresses, login and password, there are still those pesky Internet hackers that are able to break into your account and access personal information. Teens are getting kicked off their sports teams because of pictures and inappropriate material they have on their profiles. 

Be smart about what you put on the Internet, because you never know who is looking at what you have on there.                                  

- Ashley M., high school junior

Friends online [are not always] who they say; their brothers or sisters or even parents have talked to me. Also, there are people that I never even saw before who wanted to be my friend … but I knew that was not safe. My parents taught me never to talk to strangers so I would block them.

I knew this girl who decided to meet a 16-year-old guy who she thought was really cute and she was smart because she took her older brother with her and he ended up being an old weird guy. She was one of the lucky ones. But there are so many kids like her who need to be more careful when they are on the Internet. That’s why they should make a program to help younger children not talk to strangers even when they are on the Internet because they may feel close to them, but they still don’t personally know who they are talking to.

-Dollie B., high school freshman

Do not give out any personal information like passwords, home address and phone number. These can hurt a person’s life forever. You can have all the information on your computer stolen if you’re not careful enough.  One way to protect yourself from this is have your Internet set to max security. Another way is to set your wireless router security. Also, block sites that have cookies or pop-ups

- Michael K., high school freshman

By Allison Cohen

For most teenagers, texting has become an integrated part of their social networking. It is, however, still a mystery and possibly a cause of concern for many parents and teachers not familiar with the phenomenon.

We see letters like “ttyl” and wonder what in the world these kids are saying (talk to you later). Teachers see kids who have become so adept at texting that they can send messages from the pocket of their pants to avoid detection, and we wonder what they are up to.

I recently had a conversation with about 90 of my students (all high school juniors and seniors) and asked them to give me the heads up on current texting practices.

Do students use texting to cheat?

As a teacher, I have always been concerned that students would use this technology to cheat on a test by texting answers to classmates. My students informed me, “Please, that was so two years ago.” (Yes, we adults will never keep up with students’ use of technology; if we know about it, then it’s already passé to them.)

It turns out that students are generally too afraid of getting caught to cheat using text messages. Only 13 percent of my students reported that they witnessed or knew of someone who cheated using a text message. They said it was too difficult to send the information, and the likelihood of getting caught was way too high to run the risk.

Who’s texting during the school day? (Hint: It’s not the kids)

The vast majority of students said that most of the text messages they receive during a school day were from their parents. Parents remind them of appointments, make travel arrangements for after-school activities, or just check in to see how a test went.

Many school districts forbid wireless phone use during the school day and require that wireless phones be turned off during school hours. My school requires that violators’ phones be confiscated and turned in to the main office where parents must personally come by the school and pick up the phone.

Students said that most parents don’t see the rationale behind such a rule and will continue to text their children anyway. This puts students in a bind: if they don’t respond to parental texts, they upset their parents; but if students do respond to parental texts, they violate school policy.

What’s the current text speak lingo?

Probably one of the least understood aspects of texting includes the foreign—to adults, anyway—abbreviations teenagers use to communicate with one another. I have included some of the more common abbreviations (provided by my students, see answers below)

Test Your Knowledge: What are they saying?

1. bff
2. rofl
3. gtg
4. ttyl
5. idk
6. omg
7. cya
8. oic
9. pc
10. thx
11. wtf
12. gtfo
13. jmo
14. jmho
15. lmao
16. brb
17. pos

. answers below
However, students shared that these abbreviations are being used less often because of T9 (software that automatically completes words for the user). My students said that their younger siblings tend to use abbreviations more than they do and that girls tend to use them more than boys.

Should teachers worry about how texting may affect a student’s writing skills?

I’m not sure which might worry English teachers more: accepted use of poor grammar and abbreviations used in texts, or a predictive text program, such as T9 mentioned above, that automatically completes the spelling of a word.

Yet most of the English teachers with whom I spoke don’t see a cause for alarm. Just as teachers preach the dangers of relying on spell check, we must now make sure students recognize the difference between a message and a well-constructed paragraph.

Anecdotally, I notice that my students seem to be much more adept at capturing tone in electronic communication than adults, even if it is sometimes accomplished through the use of emoticons. :-/

Should teachers worry about how texting may affect a student’s character?

As an educator, one of my concerns is that texting makes it easier for students to engage in nefarious activities. I have heard of instances where students use text messages to set up meetings for drug usage, etc. While this is certainly not the norm, it is an area of concern for any school, as is harassment or other forms of bullying that may be accomplished through texting.

Students need to be aware that any school official with reasonable suspicion (or police officer with probable cause) can search the text history of a student’s phone to find out if they are engaging in illegal activities.

Some students seem to think that taking the battery out of their wireless phone is enough to prevent such a search, but the reality is that most wireless phones use the same battery now. Replace the battery, and it is very easy to track texting history. While students feel that this is an invasion of their privacy, parents should advise them that it is simply an effort to keep them safe.

What’s In:

• Parents texting to keep in touch with their children
• T9 and other predictive text programs
• Upon entering college, using texts to easily keep in touch with friends from high school
• Emoticons, still {:0)

What’s Out:

• Parents trying to sound cool by using teenage vernacular (don’t tell your child that you are in “da club” if you are working out in your health club). Emoticons are fine though.
• Overuse of cute abbreviations (especially for older teenagers)

What parents can do to open communication lines:

• Involve your child in the process of determining which plan to purchase for their wireless phone. Make it a practical finance lesson.
• Make sure you talk about your school’s policies regarding wireless phone usage.
• Don’t be afraid to use texting to keep in touch with your children, to ask where are they, what are they up to. Remember, however, to respect school policies regarding texting/wireless phone use.

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Allison Cohen teaches Advanced Placement Government, Introduction to Philosophy, and World Religions at Langley High School in Fairfax County, VA. She is a graduate of The College of William and Mary where she received her Masters in Education.

Answers to the Quiz

1. bff – best friends forever
2. rofl – rolling on the floor laughing
3. gtg – got to go
4. ttyl – talk to you later
5. idk – i don’t know
6. omg – oh my god
7. cya – see you (see you later)
8. oic – oh, I see
9. pc – peace (used as a parting salutation)
10. thx – thanks
11. wtf – what the (you can fill in the “f” for yourself)
12. gtfo – get the (again, fill in the “f” for yourself) out, translation, “no way”
13. jmo – just my opinion
14. jmho – just my humble opinion
15. lmao – laugh my (you can fill in the “a” for yourself) off, used to make light of or pokefun at
16. brb – be right back…as in I’ll be right back or I’ll be gone for a minute
17. pos – parent over shoulder

From Connect Safely | view on ConnectSafely.org

Mobile safety in general. Just as in chat rooms and social sites, kids need to think about who they text and talk with. They should never text/talk with strangers. Phones should only be used to communicate with people they know in the real world.

Bullying by phone. Since young people’s social lives increasingly fold in cell phones as well as the Web, cyberbullying and harassment have gone mobile too. Talk with your kids about how the same manners and ethics you’ve always taught them apply on phones and the Web as in “real life.”

Mobile social networking. Many social sites have a feature that allows users to check their profiles and post comments from their phones. That means some teens can do social networking literally anywhere, in which case any filter you may have installed on a home computer does nothing to block social networking. Talk with your teens about where they’re accessing their profiles or blogs from and whether they’re using the same good sense about how they’re social networking on their phones.

Social mapping. More and more cell phones have GPS technology installed, which means teens who have these phones can pinpoint their friends’ physical location – or be pinpointed by their friends. Talk with your kids about using such technology and advise them to use it only with friends they know in person.

Media-sharing by phone. Most mobile phones we use today have cameras, some videocams – and teens love to share media with friends on all types of mobile devices. There is both a personal-reputation and -safety aspect to this. Talk with your teens about never letting other people photograph or film them in embarrassing or inappropriate situations (and vice versa). They need to understand their own and others’ privacy rights in sharing photos and videos via cell phones.

‘Smart phones.’ We’ve already been over many smart- or 3G-phone features above, but remember they usually include the Web. That means more and more people can access all that the Web offers, appropriate or not, on their phones as well as computers. Mobile carriers are beginning to offer filtering for the content available on their services, but they have no control over what’s on the Web. Parents of younger kids might want to consider turning off Web access and turning on filtering if they’re concerned about access to adult content.

Text messaging costs. On some mobile services, a single text message can cost 15 cents to send and a couple of cents to receive. Check to see if your carrier has flat-rate texting that can be included in your child’s or family’s service plan; otherwise your teens could be using up their entire college fund.

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Reprinted with permission from Connect Safely, a multimedia, user-generated site for parents, teens, teachers and advocates – everyone engaged in and interested in the impact of the social Web.

By Jace Galloway-Shoemaker

Texting is a form of wireless communication where users send or receive short, digital messages electronically. Texting is also known as SMS (Short Message Service). Although the bulk of texting is done via mobile-to-mobile devices, websites and companies are also jumping on the bandwagon. Some companies allow users to “web text” by sending and receiving text messages to mobile devices from their computers. Many provide the service for free.

Text messaging is an extremely popular method of communication. CTIA-The Wireless Association®, the international association for the wireless telecommunications industry, reported that over 48 billion text messages were sent in a one-month period in 2007, which averages 1.6 billion messages per day.

Who Is Texting?

Statistics show that texting is not just for kids. According to the Pew Internet Project’s December 2007 survey, 31 percent of American adults send or receive text messages every day, while 60 percent of young adults text daily.

The world of texting is putting a new spin on traditional events:

• Samsung Telecommunications America reports 61 percent of Americans, if given the chance, would prefer to vote in presidential elections via text messaging.
• Quantas, an Australian airline, will begin a trial period of in-flight text messaging and Air New Zealand may soon follow. In-flight texting would allow passengers to keep in touch with loved ones on the ground without disturbing fellow passengers in cramped quarters.
• In an effort to better communicate with the community, the Boynton, Florida, Police Department launched the “Citizen Observer Program”. By registering online, citizens can receive emergency alerts on their wireless phones. And texting is a two-way street for this department; citizens can text tips to police. Police departments in Boston, Louisville, Seattle, Kansas City, and other major cities are also using text messaging to augment law enforcement efforts.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, in partnership with law enforcement agencies and participating wireless carriers, now issues Wireless AMBER Alerts. Through this free service, wireless phone subscribers are able to receive an urgent child-abduction bulletin in the form of a text message (see http://www.wirelessamberalerts.org/)

What Does a Text Message Look Like? Using Text Speak

If you’ve never texted before, don’t worry – you don’t need to know a special “texting language” in order to send messages. Plain English (or whatever language you’re using) works just fine. However, because the maximum length of a text message is 160 characters (letters, numbers, symbols), many people do rely on abbreviations when they text, so that they can say more in less space. This abbreviated form of language is often referred to as “text speak.”

Text speak “words” are often actual phrases—for example, laugh out loud—reduced to letters: LOL. Vowels, consonants, and entire words are often omitted (“thanks” becomes thx, and “can’t talk” becomes CT). Numbers are used in place of words (sexy becomes 6Y). There are numerous text speak translators and converter tools available online.

Text Speak Examples:

LOL Laugh out loud
TTFN Ta-ta-for-now
BBL Be back later
THX Thanks
ILU or 143 I love you
BF or B/F Boyfriend
GF or G/F Girlfriend
6Y Sexy
CT Can’t talk
DL or D/L Download
L8R Later
2 To, Too or Two
SRY Sorry
HW Homework
LGH Let’s Get High
POS Parents over shoulder
LMIRL Let’s meet in real life

2 Text or Not 2 Text?

Can you keep your child/student from texting, and should you? Might you benefit from texting, or at least from learning how to text? To make informed decisions, parents and educators need to be aware of the positive and negative aspects of text messaging.

Positive Aspects:

• Talking and email take time – text messages are short and instantaneous
• Conversing via phone requires quiet – texting works in crowded or noisy environments
• Wireless phone ring tones and conversations disturb others in public places – text messages are silent and non-intrusive
• Texting may boost confidence for those who are shy or don’t like face-to-face or voice-to-voice interaction
• Overworked multitaskers often lose touch with friends and family – texting helps people stay in touch because it’s so quick and effortless
• Long distance phone calls get expensive – a text message can be cheaper
• Texts can work as message reminders (birthdays, anniversaries, to-do lists)
• Text messages deliver quick updates on news and weather
• School systems, police departments, and government agencies are increasingly using texting as a way to relay emergency notification

Negative Aspects:

• Because of possible disruptions and academic dishonesty, many schools prohibit wireless phone usage during school hours.
• Cyberbullying is a rapidly growing trend that can have serious consequences. Electronic bullying is accomplished through any type of electronic device, including cell phones.
• Many children do not tell a trusted adult if they are bullied electronically.
• Texting while driving or crossing the street can be dangerous – the risk seems obvious, but many teens/tweens do text while driving and walking. A 2007 American Automobile Association study found, for example, that 46 percent of 16- and 17-year-old drivers send text messages while driving.
• There are some concerns that text speak will negatively impact children’s writing and grammar skills. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, over 60 percent of American teenagers admit that they include some form of texting in their school work.
• “Sexting” is the sending of provocative or explicit text messages or photographs using wireless devices. From flirtatious messages to nude photographs, sexting is a growing concern. Often, the racy photos or messages are disseminated to others.
• Depending on the phone plan, text messaging costs can be prohibitive. Some plans charge a flat rate for each text message sent or delivered while other mobile phone carriers offer unlimited texting for a set monthly fee. If texting is done sporadically, the flat rate may be a better option. Text messaging can be blocked on many services.
• Texting may be more impersonal than face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversations, and young people may use texting as a form of emotional avoidance.
• Typing on a mobile device may be difficult for some users due to the size of the keypad or typing can be arduous.
• A 2006 survey from Virgin Mobile reported nearly 4 million people in the UK reported numbness or pain in thumbs, fingers or wrists from text-related injuries.

What’s a Parent or Educator 2 Do?

The negatives seem to outweigh the positives, but texting seems to be here to stay, at least until something even quicker and “cooler” takes its place. Parents and educators can’t afford to ignore the practice or wish it away. Before allowing your child to text or making school policy regarding texting, make sure you feel well-informed and ready to set clear guidelines. Education, awareness and communication are crucial.

TECH TIP FOR PARENTS

Want addresses, locations, or phone numbers without paying for 411? You can text the name of a business or restaurant to GOOGL on your wireless phone keypad (that’s google without the “E”), and it will look up the information and text it to you. Free, from Google, but you may have to pay for incoming or outgoing text messages.

For more information:

http://www.nsteens.org/
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Jace Shoemaker-Galloway is the Regional Office of Education #26 Internet Safety Coordinator. What began three years ago as an interest and hobby has become a full-time career and passion. To date, she has educated over 750 children with personalized curriculums she created. She also educates parents and teachers. She is Chairperson of a team of community leaders she assembled, the Macomb Online Safety Team (M.O.S.T.) and is a regular newspaper columnist for the Macomb Journal.

Not quite sure how to best manage your tween’s texting behavior? Wondering if your child is too young to text or if you should cave and let him/her have a wireless phone? You’re not alone.

Dr. Donald Shifrin, of the American Academy of Pediatrics, says that he even he cannot see the usefulness of a wireless phone/texting device for children under 11-12 (except under specific circumstances), although he acknowledges it is hard to keep young kids from wanting such devices.

“There’s no question that the mobile device is now the preferred tech toy for younger children,” he says. “And the situation is such that the second or third child now wants what the first child in middle school just received: a wireless phone. The line just keeps getting more vague, as more phones and plans are offered.”

“Parents will always feel that they are depriving their children, but this should be normal. What is not normal is giving them carte blanche with a device that may not allow them to do age-appropriate actions.”

Shifrin’s advice to parents? “Be in charge of the parameters about how the device is used – minutes, connections, texting, Internet connectivity. Set up guidelines before, during and after purchase of a mobile device.”

Want even more advice? Sometimes it helps to hear about what’s worked, and what hasn’t, for other parents. So we’ve gathered a sampling of parental stories and strategies on how to handle texting tweens.

No Wireless Phone, Period: An Adamant Mom’s Strategy

Paula Blythe, 51, is an elementary school teacher and librarian, and the mother of Taylor, 12 (she also has two adult children in their mid-late twenties). Despite Taylor’s constant requests for a wireless phone, Paula has remained firm: no wireless phone, no way.

We’ve pretty much put the squelch on wireless phone use. I really feel like the wireless phone is a luxury, for convenience and emergencies only, and something we wouldn’t consider for Taylor.

He tells me, “Mom, I’m the only one, why can’t I have one, I need one.” – I’m used to the pressure and used to saying no, and my husband is of the same opinion.

I guess part of my concern of course is the cost, the expense. But it’s also about responsibility. I don’t see any reason for him to have it. He’s at home or at school or at my mom’s, and if there are emergencies there are phones at all of those places. A wireless phone gives him an excuse to not be responsible, to call and say “I’m at so-and-so’s house,” when he’s not supposed to be. I don’t think he’s ready for that responsibility.

My husband and I are together on this, that’s an important thing. And I know it’s not easy for kids, and it’s not easy for parents. But if Taylor says he has practice then it’s my responsibility to be there so he’s not left or has to call. I am there. I’m accountable, and I make him accountable – if he’s supposed to be there, he’s supposed to be there.

In the same way, he has responsibilities at home. We model responsibility for him, and we talk and reason with him. And we encourage him to direct his energy in other ways. For example, my husband and I have been 4-H leaders for 20 years. Taylor’s been in 4-H since he was a baby, and he’s learned from the example of leadership he sees in the group.

I took a group of 4-H kids on a trip last summer and one of the boys was on the wireless phone constantly, and the other kids were put out with him. They’d say, “Why can’t you enjoy what you’re dong here?” There was no need for him to be on phone the whole time, kind of a show-off thing, it seemed, and I thought, “This is silly.”

As a teacher, I see the influence of texting – kids don’t know how to spell or punctuate. It’s a new type of communication now, I know. My older kids are both very good at that Facebook and texting all the time, and Taylor’s been around them enough to know what they do, and he’s used their phones, but they’re probably more adamant about him following the rules than I am.

As with any family issue, it’s about keeping good relationships. It’s about supporting one another. Not all kids have that. But I try to have that with my kids. And wireless phones or texting for Taylor, at his age? No. I’m not budging on this one.

Wireless phone Only with Strict Parental Control and Consequences: A Wary Dad’s Strategy

Paul Mazzei, 50, had no idea his tween daughter Lara was in “texting trouble” until the warning signs became too obvious to miss. Mazzei maintains that regular parent-child communication and constant parental vigilance are crucial to keeping a tween or teen’s texting behavior under control.

When Lara first got her phone, she was in eighth grade, I think. She was doing after-school sports, so we thought it would be a good way to be able to reach her after school, since we both work. She’s 16 now, so this was three years ago, and even then, it seemed everybody else had phones, even kids in fifth and sixth grade.

Very quickly we ran into problems, but it was just poor parenting on my part that I didn’t see what was happening. She was exhausted all the time, and her grades were falling apart. She was falling apart, emotionally and psychologically.

When I was at a father-daughter dance with her, I found out that she had been participating in a lot of inappropriate texting. She was running around with her friends all night, I knew something was up, but it wasn’t until after we got home – she apparently was up till three in the morning texting, and one text message made her so upset, a text message from a guy, that she wound up waking us and telling us. So there was that.

And then we got the bills.

We took her phone away for three months. She cried and was very upset, but that was it. And now it’s very controlled. The phone is in her mom’s name, so we get all the bills and review everything with Lara. So she knows she is being watched. It’s very expensive still, so we structure our plan so there’s a limit. Now that she’s older she knows what’s right and wrong, that grades are a priority, that good health is a priority.

It was a total example of poor parenting. If you don’t have control, if you don’t know what’s happening with your own child, you’re doing something wrong. You’ve got to have the bills coming to you and sit down with your child and review calls. And if you see inappropriate activity going on, you stop it.

You let the child know that texting, having a phone, that’s a privilege, not a requirement. You’ve got to be tough and take the phone away, if it comes to that.

And even after all of that, just last night we were supposed to talk about some things, and Lara texted – she texted! – from her bedroom that she was going to bed. Rather than come up and deal with a normal but perhaps stressful discussion about grades and school, she tried to text her way out of it.

That’s what bothers me so much about texting. It allows a teenager a way to escape accountability. So we had a little meeting this morning, and tonight we’re going to talk face-to-face, in person, as planned.

I have a very short wick on that stuff. I don’t text because my Blackberry is work-issued and they don’t permit texting. But I believe texting can be a really bad thing because it puts too much control in the hands of a teenager to use a text message versus a live, person-to-person phone call. It allows a teenager to mislead a parent on where they are, or what they are doing.

So if you allow a teen or tween to text, you have to really control it, because it’s seductive for kids. It’s so easy for children to just be sucked into texting all the time, to the point that they’re neglecting their health, schoolwork, and family.

The Family that Texts Together: A Trusting, Texting Mom’s Strategy

Valerie Gregory, in her early 50s, her husband, Carlton, and daughter Jasmine, 17, have made peace with texting in the family. Here’s how:

Jasmine asked for a phone around the age of 11, and we told her she had to wait until she was about 13. Her father actually bought her first phone for Christmas, which was very surprising because he was probably the one who was most against it. But her middle school was way out in woods, and he thought it would be wise for her to have a phone in case of an emergency (school shootings and students being able to call parents seem to be the reason for his change of heart).

We got her a pay-as –you-go type of phone so she could contribute to the cost of it. This also made her more responsible because if she ran out of minutes she would have to wait, because we were only going to purchase this card once a month. She did not have access to texting because it was too expensive.

It probably was in high school before she actually got texting, but again the cost made her more conservative about it. When her first phone died she actually researched payment plans so she could get unlimited texting — it was obvious she wanted to do it more because her friends were doing it more. So this opened the door of unlimited texting!!

Interestingly enough, Jasmine’s father actually sent her first “parent text”. I can remember it so clearly as we were flying to Atlanta and when we arrived, Jasmine texted her dad to tell him that we had arrived safely (saves on phone minutes since she has unlimited text). We were actually kind of doing it as a joke, but when her father texted her back, the joke was on us! We were shocked because we didn’t even know that he was so in tune.

Jasmine first introduced me to texting as a way to communicate with her without using up her phone minutes (because she was still paying for those). So if she had to stay after school and give me a time to pick her up, she would send me a text — which I thought was kind of nice because it was quiet and could be done without talking.

Still, even though she has unlimited text, when she sends it to us, we have to pay for it. So she installed Aim [AOL Instant Messaging] on my computer, and now we can text and not use up our phone minutes.

Jasmine texts all the time now. She rarely talks on the phone and her connections with her friends are through texting. (Want to go to the mall? What time? Meet you there? What are you wearing?)

I don’t worry too much about it because Jasmine and I have a very open, communicative relationship. We had this before texting, so she tells me a lot about what is going back and forth. To me because we established this kind of relationship early on, it makes it easy for me to trust that she is not abusing this.

We do talk about the bullying that can take place through texting much like the computer. Young people will cuss someone out in a heartbeat through texting and then forward it to others—changing the text at times. She tells me about BIG arguments between people through texting, and we talk about what people will say through this medium that they would never say in person.

There is also “forwarding” in texting, whether it be jokes or a saying for the day. Some times these things can be very sexual in nature as well. She has even shared with me a story about a “drug sell” through texting. The sky is the limit, and this is so frightening. Not that Jasmine shares everything – but she is honest and I trust her enough to know what she is doing.

The only real rule we have had to set is NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING! If you need to text, stop and do it. We eat as a family and she doesn’t bring her phone to the table. This is our time. This rule kind of set itself, I believe, but it opens the door for communication.
Honestly, texting has really opened the door of communication between Jasmine and me, particularly since she is driving. She lets me know when she arrives, tells me when she is on her way home, etc. This is kind of cool because she can do it quietly and her friends probably don’t realize she is talking with her mom.

One downside: I do think the art of conversation is affected by texting, especially when these young people first meet someone. I find that they are slow to start conversation and seem to struggle with it (even Jasmine). They don’t seem to know how to keep an initial conversation going. What kinds of questions do you ask when you first meet someone? How do you keep a conversation going?

I have seen it in Jasmine and so we purposely put her in situations where she has to keep a conversation going. She hates it but has gotten used to it and seems to manage.
I think it is important for a parent to learn how to text and use it with the child. Being connected in “their world” really helps them to appreciate you and be more welcoming.

Mobile safety in general. Just as in chat rooms and social sites, kids need to think about who they text and talk with. They should never text/talk about sex with strangers. Phones should only be used to communicate with people they know in the real world.
Bullying by phone. Since young people’s social lives increasingly unfold on cell phones as well as the Web, cyberbullying and harassment have gone mobile too. Talk with your kids about how the same manners and ethics you’ve always taught them apply on phones and the Web as in “real life.”

Mobile social networking. Many social sites have a feature that allows users to check their profiles and post comments from their phones. That means some teens can do social networking literally anywhere, in which case any filter you may have installed on a home computer does nothing to block social networking. Talk with your teens about where they’re accessing their profiles or blogs from and whether they’re using the same good sense about how they’re social networking on their phones.

Social mapping. More and more cell phones have GPS technology installed, which means teens who have these phones can pinpoint their friends’ physical location – or be pinpointed by their friends. Talk with your kids about using such technology and advise them to use it only with friends they know in person.

> Valerie’s Six Tips for Parents Whose Kids Text

1. Develop the kind or relationship with your child that is based on open communication. Learn to feel comfortable listening when necessary and nurturing trust in the early stages.
2. Take time to learn and understand how to do texting.
3. It is OK to set parameters about when texting is not appropriate: during family time, while driving, when studying or doing homework.
4. Use texting as a way to communicate with your child.
5. Have a frank talk about security, bullying, abusive use of phones and computers. These conversations should happen before a phone is even purchased.
6. Give children some financial responsibility with texting. Nothing in life is free not even unlimited texting! =)

Wireless Phone Safety Tips – From Connect Safely

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Media-sharing by phone. Most mobile phones we use today have cameras, some videocams – and teens love to share media with friends on all types of mobile devices. There is both a personal-reputation and -safety aspect to this. Talk with your teens about never letting other people photograph or film them in embarrassing or inappropriate situations (and vice versa). They need to understand their own and others’ privacy rights in sharing photos and videos via cell phones.

‘Smart phones.’ We’ve already been over many smart- or 3G-phone features above, but remember they usually include the Web. That means more and more people can access all that the Web offers, appropriate or not, on their phones as well as computers. Mobile carriers are beginning to offer filtering for the content available on their services, but they have no control over what’s on the Web. Parents of younger kids might want to consider turning off Web access and turning on filtering if they’re concerned about access to adult content.

Text messaging costs. On some mobile services, a single text message can cost 15 cents to send and a couple of cents to receive. Check to see if your carrier has flat-rate texting that can be included in your child’s or family’s service plan; otherwise your teens could be using up their entire college fund.

All of a sudden it’s everywhere in the media – texting. On TV, in the papers, the advice columns, even in the comics, people are talking about texting. Every other day I encounter a story about how texting is changing the way people work and socialize. And the more I hear, the grumpier I get.

Because I, the new editor of bNetS@vvy, do not text, have never texted, and cannot fully grasp why texting is all the rage. I’m a non-texter in a texting world, which is to say I am a dinosaur. I’m a mother, a teacher, and a grumpy dinosaur. And I know that if I want to avoid parental and professional extinction; if I want to help children connect safely, I am going 2 have 2 chng my wAz (change my ways). You know, get jiggy down with this texting thing – OK, so I’m not exactly hip with the cool tech lingo. But I’m trying. And oh boy, could I use some 411.

TG (thank goodness) that’s just what this issue offers. Internet safety expert Jace Shoemaker-Galloway gives an overview of how texting works, complete with “text speak” examples, and a list of benefits and drawbacks regarding the general use of texting. Children’s health expert Dr. Donald Shifrin, of the American Academy of Pediatrics, offers specific advice about how to manage children’s texting activity.

In our teacher’s piece, Fairfax County, Virginia high school teacher Allison Cohen goes directly to her students to ask about teen texting behavior at school and at home. Switching perspectives, our Parents’ Corner features first-person accounts from several parents about how texting has affected their family lives – and what strategies they’ve used to encourage safe and responsible texting.

Rounding out the issue is information from a “professional texter” – a teen who discusses why she loves to text and how adults can help young teens be “text savvy.”

Keep in mind that phoning and texting aren’t the only things tweens and teens are doing with their wireless phones – “sexting,” the practice of circulating inappropriate (often sexual) photos and messages via wireless phone, is on the rise as well. To help you address this and other unfortunate realities, we’ve included (courtesy of ConnectSafely.org) general wireless phone safety tips for you to discuss with your child/student.

Thanks for reading, and let us know about your tips/strategies for responsible texting. We’re always looking for new contributors to bnetS@vvy, and we invite you to share your stories with us by emailing internetsafety@nea.org. Together we can help young teens make the most of technology – more safely.