As the school year rapidly comes to a close, teachers and parents should consider the fact that children and teens will soon have plenty of time on their hands — frequently unsupervised. They will have ample opportunity to explore many nooks and crannies of cyberspace. How can the adults in children’s lives make sure their online activities are safe and responsible?
Parents and teachers know how to keep children safe and encourage responsible action in the “real world.” When children are young, we keep them in safe places, ensure they are under the care of responsible adults, watch over them carefully when in more public places, and provide simple guidelines that lay the groundwork for safe and responsible behavior.
As young people grow, we provide greater freedoms – and more guidance on expectations for behavior. By the time they are teens, they will be going many places on their own. But parents still remain engaged by asking, “Where will you be going? Who will you be with? What will you be doing?”
To keep young people safe online requires applying these same approaches. Keep them safe when they are younger. Empower them to make safe and responsible choices as they grow. Research has demonstrated that teens whose parents are actively and positively involved in their online activities engage in less risk-taking online behavior.
To protect children at home (in the summer or any time) requires that parents effectively establish safe “fenced online play yards” and impart simple protective strategies. The online risks faced by children and teens include:
a) Spending too much time online;
b) posting or sending material that could damage their reputation or place them at risk;
c) receiving or sending hurtful messages;
d) accidentally accessing damaging material; and
e) being profiled and targeted through certain types of advertising. See Common Sense Media’s article “Mediating Media Exposure” .
Helpful family safety features are now available for parents to establish an electronically fenced online play yard. These include features like Vista and Symantec Family Safety features and the controls in Internet-accessible gaming devices. The key features of these family safety controls are:
a) white lists that allow parents to determine the specific sites their child can access;
b) controls for who their child can communicate with;
c) time limitations; and
d) retention of history file.
These features are far more robust than filtering software, which seeks to block access to inappropriate sites (although blocking is also a component of these features).
Key safety guidelines for children include:
a) staying on the sites that have been selected;
b) keeping their activities in balance;
c) thinking before they post;
d) handling hurtful online situations with the help of a caring adult, if possible;
e) seeking adult help if inappropriate material accidentally appears; and
f) paying attention to when sites seek to advertise to them. See Common Sense Media’s tips on “Selling to Kids“.
The most effective risk prevention approaches for teens is to utilize a “social norms approach.” If students know other young people are not engaging in risky behavior they are much less likely to do so. Research has shown that the majority of teens are making good choices online and effectively responding to negative situations. They have no desire to connect with online “creeps.” By identifying and promoting the healthy, protective behaviors that are the actual norms for young people online we can help more young people engage in these safe and responsible behaviors.
The foundation for safe and responsible online behavior for teens is three-fold:
1) Think before you post. Teens must understand the Internet law of predictable consequences. The more embarrassing or damaging the material they post, the more likely it will become very public and be seen by people who will judge them badly.
2) Keep your life in balance. Time spent online or using screens should not take the place of the other things that keep their life in balance – like getting together with friends and physical activities, preferably outside.
3) Connect safely. Take time to get to know people online, remembering that it is possible to create false profiles or impressions. Know how to effectively respond to hurtful messages or situations and do not cause harm to others.
The most effective instructional approach to use with teens is to ask them to discuss their personal guidelines for their online activities – first in small groups and then in a large group. This allows the more savvy students, who tend to make good choices online, to play a leadership role. Other students who may not have thought the issues through will be far more inclined to follow the sage guidance of their peers than any adult delivered guidance.
I recently used this technique with a group of teens at a teen conference. Small groups came up with sound guidance that I was able to deepen by asking further questions within the larger group discussion. Another adult reported to me that on the way out of the room she overheard one teen say to another, “Wow, there are some things I need to fix with my profile.” Addressing these issues through this kind of positive peer influence is powerfully effective.
Summertime or any time — empower your children/students to move safely and act wisely in cyberspace.
Nancy Willard, MS., J.D, is the Director of the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use. She has a background in work with at risk youth and law and has focused on issues of youth risk online and effective Internet use management in schools for over 12 years.
What will your kids be doing this summer? Heading to camp, splashing around the local pool, working a part-time job – and maybe still managing to spend oodles of idle time online? How can caring adults keep up their kids’ online summer activity and behavior?
This issue tackles summertime safety online from a variety of viewpoints. In From the Experts, Internet safety expert Nancy Willard offers specific risk prevention tips for parents of children and teens (and see Willard’s downloadable cybersafety handout, available at bNetS@vvy’s Tips and Tools section). In Parents’ Corner, teacher and mother Vicki Davis details four guidelines for building “a family summertime safety line.” Our Teacher’s Desk piece features Paula White, a tech-savvy elementary school teacher who urges parents and teachers to spend the summer learning more about the benefits of social technology. And in our Youth Voices segment, we hear from two typical kids, one age 11 and one age 15, about how they use social technology in their daily lives.
Thanks for reading, and let us know about your tips/strategies for gaming, and Internet/social technology safety. We’re always looking for new contributors to bNetS@vvy, and we invite you to share your stories with us by emailing internetsafety@nea.org. Together we can help young teens make the most of technology – more safely.
Sincerely,
Mary Esselman, editor, bNetS@vvy
Parents are increasingly using social networks to keep kids safer online and in the real world, but sometimes you need structure to succeed, as parent Kate Mattos discovered.
I opened the drawer of my jewelry box and my stomach dropped: there was nothing in the drawer, nothing. A black hole of stolen jewelry. I checked the next drawer, and the next. They too were empty. I had been burgled.
Later that bright spring morning, the police came and took my report. That’s when I learned that there had been other burglaries in my safe, suburban neighborhood. The burglar typically struck in the morning, shortly after people had left for work. With 30 or more homes hit in the area, why had I not known?
My next step was one that would not have even been possible 15 years ago: I got on the Internet. I checked the police department Website and found a running list of burglaries in my area. I e-mailed my civic association leadership to tell them about it.
Next, I sent a note to my middle school PTA listserv. I knew that parents occasionally leave sick children home alone while they spend a few hours at work-what if the burglar entered a home with a child in it? Or a child came home early and surprised the villain in the house?
Almost as soon as I hit “send,” PTA listserv exploded. Parents were sympathetic, curious, worried. They wanted to know when it happened, what was taken, and how I was. I learned about the burglaries in an adjacent quiet leafy neighborhood-so many, in fact, that the civic association there had put out articles and held a meeting about the problem. Worried about the kids, the school principal emailed with me, noting that the school was distributing a handout urging parents to follow safety guidelines, such as ensuring that children don’t walk home alone. Teachers sent e-mails and asked how my child was handling the situation.
I was grateful for the support, but I began to notice something. Here was all this advice in a chattering listserv, but not one expert leading the discussion. What was the best way to navigate all the considerate suggestions and caring advice? No one was a home security specialist or a police officer-someone who could take all the collective concern to the next level of action and protection. No one to give us next steps and solutions.
Welcome to Democracy 2007. Make no mistake: I love the fact that at 11:00 at night I can reach out and find support. I love the power of finding out more with a click of the mouse. Networking proved to be an extraordinary way to get connected to people who really do care about me. This e-conversation was a community builder. And I did get, I think, good advice.
But I came to strongly believe that the outpouring of counsel must be tempered by expertise. I needed to learn about the best ways to protect myself and my family and about the after-effects of a burglary, the loss and deep uneasiness. I needed to know how to help my child develop the skills to stay safe. The reality is that I got that offline, from the police, a security company, and an expert at work.
I thought about my sixth-grader and the way she uses social networks. She often gets “real” information from her friends through their e-mail communications. They trade stories-some real, some
not-about what lurks on the Internet, on the streets, or in the school. No one is monitoring those conversations. No expert is there to help give facts or guide their conversations.
For many online lists and social networks, open discussion in which everyone is equal is the point-and indeed, the value. But in some cases, especially when it comes to safety (for children or adults, online or off), it can be useful to include reliable authorities to move things to the next level. Here are a few suggestions:
- Include or nominate leaders and experts who can speak with authority on certain topics and guide the discussion (reining it in if it becomes speculative or off-topic).
- Help youth understand the differences between “experts” in online forums (often well intentioned contributors) and those whose credentials can be verified and who have authority to speak to an issue.
- Remind kids that you can read their online communications. (Yes, it can be done!) Then, help to interpret speculative or faulty information.
- Place computers where you can monitor what children are doing. At home, I keep computers out of bedrooms.
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Kate Mattos is Communications Counsel for the National Education Association and the mother of an 11- year-old daughter.
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Online predators.
Many kids are eager for validation and acceptance, which makes them vulnerable to advances from predators. Nearly 20 percent of online teens say they’ve received unwanted sexual advances, according to the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. It’s a good idea to protect names, schools and addresses and to avoid posting videos and pictures, which can reveal a child’s location.
Cyber-bullying.
This can take many forms, including sending threatening or harassing emails, texts, or IMs (called “flames”), posting false information using another child’s password, or changing passwords and altering or deleting information from someone else’s site.
Academic disruption.
Social networking can be a useful academic tool, but it can also lead to problems with focus, attention, and schoolwork. A 2006 Kaiser Family Foundation report found that when students are studying on their computers, they’re actually doing something else-IMing, e-mailing, downloading files, or watching TV-65 percent of the time. Grades may suffer as social connections flourish.
Damaging content.
Any time information is transferred, there’s the risk of inadvertently downloading inappropriate files, viruses or malicious scripts that can damage a user’s computer. Teens need to know what to watch for and how to avoid the bad stuff.
Legal and financial pitfalls.
It’s also important to talk to kids about safeguarding financial information, or avoiding illegal file-sharing.
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- Keep your personal information private
- Only add friends you know in real life
- Set your profile and blog to private
- Use a nickname that doesn’t identify your location, gender, or age
- Alter your pictures and videos before you post them to remove identifying information
- Profile and photo share only with people on your friends list
- Don’t post your plans or whereabouts on your site
- Ignore harassing or rude comments posted on your profile
- Never post sexually provocative photos
Find more at NSTeens.org
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Know the danger signs-these can include: spending lots of unsupervised time online; having pornography on his or her computer or wireless phone; hiding the screen or shutting it off quickly when adults are near; receiving mysterious gifts or packages; and becoming withdrawn from family or classmates.
- Talk openly with the child about your suspicions; tell them about the dangers of computer-sex offenders.
- Review the contents of the computer or phone. If you don’t know how, ask a friend, coworker, or other knowledgeable person.
- (Parents/guardians) Monitor access to electronic communications-chat rooms, instant messages, phones and e-mail.
- (Teachers) Raise your Concerns with the child’s parent/guardian.
- Contact your local or state law enforcement agency and the. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. ’s CyberTipline at cybertipline.com.
If you suspect a child has received a sexual solicitation or pornography, keep the computer or phone turned off in order to preserve any evidence for law enforcement use. Don’t attempt to copy any of the images and/or text found on the computer.
Adapted in part from A Parents Guide to Internet Safety, developed by the FBI and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
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Gary Brill, father of this issue’s Youth Voices columnist Madison, has some tips for parents, based on his own experience living with an Internetsavvy kid.
Would you read your child’s diary, listen in on their phone conversions, or follow them when they leave the house to see what they were doing? With today’s computers and technology, you can do these things and more. You can easily read your child’s e-mails, monitor their Instant Messages, view their internet history, check their MySpace or Facebook pages, read their Blogs-you can even go as far as tracking their movement with a GPS in their phone.
The BIG question is: should you? Most of us live in homes where children know as much or more than their parents about computers. Should a parent be fearful of what they don’t know? Is it fair to the child to have stricter rules just because the parent is not computer literate?
Here are some tips for parents/ guardians and other adults:
- Ask yourself, what did my parents do? What were the consequences of my behavior? Bring this luggage to the table, discuss it with your kids.
- If you are not computer literate, learn or ask other parents. It should be one of the most topical conversations you have with other parents.
- Get involved early with your child, and listen when they ask for additional privileges. Don’t make them fearful to have an open conversion with you.
- Learn from your children. If they ask to do something you’re not familiar with, go online and learn. Ask your child if you can talk to other friends who are doing what your child wants to do. Speak to their parents.
- Test the waters with a trail period. Tie the additional privileges to doing more chores around the house; take the privileges away if they don’t behave. Remember, just because you agreed to one request, doesn’t mean you have to agree to the next.
- Be proactive; when you read about a new computer trend ask your child about it. The old adage is true: trust works both ways. If you constantly accuse your child of doing something they have not done, they may eventually feel compelled to just go ahead and do it if they’re being blamed for it anyway. (Does that logic ring any bells from your childhood?)
- Gary Brill lives with his family in New York City
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With the right guidance and open lines of communication with trusted adults, teens can keep themselves safer online, says Madison Brill, a 13-year-old who prides herself on her online savvy and independence.
First of all, the Web is not the only place you need to be careful in this electronic world; you have to make sure you’re protected when you use an instant message program such as AIM, MSN, or iChat on a computer or wireless phone. Most early teens use these services as much or more than telephone calls to connect. It’s one of the easiest ways to communicate and talk to friends-and on the surface, you may not realize you are putting yourself at risk when you are IMing someone.
A friend of mine got an IM from someone she did not know. Her first reaction was to ask who this person was. They did not respond, but tried to start a different conversation. The next thing my friend did was IM me and ask for my advice.
“Block the person on AIM and make sure they don’t bother you again,” I told her. I also told her that she should tell her parents-because even though it didn’t turn out to be a big situation, I think it’s important to tell someone about it and how you handled it, in case it happens again.
Online safety is a really serious matter, but teens can monitor themselves very easily and quickly, with help from parents and teachers. I feel there are three simple rules for early teens to check their Internet Safety, whether they’re on the Web or IMing. (These are true for adults too!)
1. Check the site’s background.
Sites like Facebook or MySpace are commonly used and have good reputations, but other sites will require you to learn more about what they offer and who normally participates in the site before you join it.
2. Protect your personal information.
How secure are you on the Website, and is it a public site or private site? If you put personal information on these sites, will they protect this information from getting out to just anyone?
3. Check your permission.
Are you allowed to be using this site? Most early teens are hesitant to ask parents because they think the answer will be no! They want to be able to decide things for themselves-but it’s important that your parents know what you’re doing because you may not be aware of all the dangers.
Many kids feel pressured to be part of a social network site because they want to be “in” with their friends-but they don’t think about how dangerous some of these sites can be. Like everyone, I’ve heard the stories about scary adults trying to get in contact with kids. You roll your eyes at these stories, thinking, “This won’t happen to me,” and that you won’t be stupid enough to post personal information or pictures. But as you get more involved in these sites, you can begin to convince yourself that it will be perfectly safe to add something else, something small like, let’s say, your cell phone number. Things can eventually get out of hand and you don’t realize how much information you have allowed others to see.
Know Who You’re Talking To
Teens need to know that if they have an account with social networking sites, blogs, forums, or IM providers, they should always be careful about whom they talk to-and even more careful about who they share personal information with.
Don’t Take Chances
There will be times someone you don’t know may message you or leave you a comment. When this happens, ask a friend or a family member you are close to. I sometimes test the person. See if they know people you know. See if they are familiar with the schools in your area. Can they name teachers you can check up on?
Tell Someone
If any of the answers to your questions don’t sound right, notify someone for your own safety. If a person keeps sending you things and it becomes more a problem, it is time to tell your parents or even your school. Never be scared to speak out about it, because even if you might get in trouble for visiting or using a Web page you are not supposed to, you’re keeping yourself safe and unharmed.
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Madison Brill is a 13-year-old seventh grader in New York City
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If adults want to learn how to connect with kids and help them be safer online, we need to understand what really matters to them-and keep the lines of real-world communication open.
By middle school, most children have an online life, which means everything they do in the real world-learn, hang out, chat, and even bully-they can do online as well.
Social Networking is growing in popularity. About 71 percent of teens have created a profile on a social network site, up from 61 percent last year, according to the 2007 Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II by Cox Communication and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Sites like MySpace and Facebook log millions of repeat visits each day.
So what exactly is the draw for kids who spend hours a day browsing other people’s profiles and stay up late designing their own?
For Emily, a freshman in high school in Virginia, social networking offers a glimpse into the lives of her peers, and a way to stay up on the newest trends. “People post their favorite colors, what music they’re listening to-it’s just fun to see what other people are into,” she says. Translation: teens like learning about other teens to find out what’s in and what’s out. Social networking is a way to get that information on a daily basis.
Social networking sites may be to today’s youth what tree houses, forts, or phones were to us: a place where kids can get away from their parents, be themselves, or pretend to be somebody else. For adults, understanding the reasons kids use these sites is an important first step in helping kids make safer, smarter choices online.
The Feeling of Being Liked
Tayler, a Washington State senior in high school, says she checks her profile frequently. “It’s that feeling of excitement that comes from seeing I have a message or comment waiting for me to read. It’s the feeling of being liked, I guess.”
For many young people, social networking can be an emotionally satisfying experience. When they leave comments or messages on friends’ pages, they usually get one in return, and it reinforces feelings of friendship and popularity. This can be especially powerful for shy youth, or those who feel uncomfortable or disconnected in social situations.
“I just moved here and don’t know that many people yet, so Facebook helps me keep in touch with my cousins and friends back home,” says 14-year-old Alec from Maryland.
Real Benefits, Real Consequences
Social networking is a tool to communicate with friends both near and far. It can also promote creativity and self-expression, sharpen communication and writing skills, and provide kids an opportunity to develop a personal identity and share it with others.
Online relationships can help kids overcome difficulties they might be having, whether it’s teenage angst or a more serious issue. There is always someone to talk to online, and the lack of face-to-face contact can make kids more comfortable opening up to others.
But this is where the slippery slope begins-who are these “friends” they are opening up to? Do they know them in real life? Recognizing and addressing the potential risks can help make social networking a safer experience for children.
Simple Steps to Safety
Friends lists. Many kids feel that their friends list is a reflection of their popularity, so they add people they don’t really know in order to gain status. Privacy settings can keep strangers from accessing profiles-but if kids add people they don’t know as their friends, they’re giving away access to personal information. Teach them to have a “friend policy” and not to add people they don’t know in real life to their friends lists.
Blogs. The term comes from “Web log” and refers to a journal or personal essay, an online diary of sorts. Blogs are popular with kids, and most social networking sites have space to create a blog. Unfortunately, not everyone reading about a child’s personal feelings, frustrations, and dreams has the best intentions in mind. Predators can use a child’s insecurities or ambitions to bond with the child, and potentially coax him or her into an in person meeting.
A good rule of thumb for a teen: if you don’t want just anyone reading your journal or diary, it shouldn’t be posted online.
Photos and videos. According to the Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II, 64 percent of teens post photos or videos of themselves. Often, kids don’t realize that they’re inadvertently putting themselves at risk with the images they post online-street signs, a license plate in the background, or a school name can give away a child’s location. Kids are also posting sexually provocative or inappropriate pictures of themselves to “be adult” or get attention. They may not realize that anyone can save their picture and use it to exploit or embarrass them. Kids should never post a picture that they wouldn’t want posted around their school for anyone to see.
The bottom line: keep talking. That same survey found that children whose parents talk to them about online safety are more likely to exhibit responsible online behavior. Real-life consequences can be serious; let’s help kids avoid the potential risks of social networking by opening up the lines of communication.
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Candace Bahk is the Content Manager for the NetSmartz Workshop with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
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Lisea Lark, 13, talked with bNetS@vvy about some of the ways she and her friends use technologies, why social networks and cell texts have won out over email, and what she does to keeps herself safer online.
You mentioned that you and your friends recently switched from MySpace to Facebook. Why switch, and how do you get everyone to do it together?
MySpace just lets you have a profile, but Facebook connects you to schools around your area, so we’ve switched to be connected more with other schools. You can either message people or comment them. There are lots of things you can do. You can draw pictures for them or take quizzes and stuff to see if you and your friends have the same likes and dislikes.
How it works is, you join a network-your school or town-and then you can upload pictures and write your profile and share stuff. You can invite people to join. But you have to be careful. There’s not a sure way to know that people who message you are who they say they are.
I set my profile to private so that only my friends can see them.
How much time do you spend on these sites?
I use it more during the summer. During the school year, maybe 30 minutes a day. My mom gives me an hour limit during the week, and two hours on weekend. My dad doesn’t have a limit at his house, but he makes me finish my homework before I can get on the computer for fun.
Have you met people in real life that you met on a social networking site?
You can never be 100 percent sure who you’re talking to online. I haven’t ever met someone from online, or been approached, but I have gotten to know some kids better before meeting them in person. Like my best friend … one of my friends knew her and said I should add her to my friends list. So I did and got to know her better. Now she’s one of my best friends.
In general, how much do you worry when you’re online or using your cell phone?
I’m careful but I don’t worry too much, really. If someone requests to be my friend [on a social networking site] and I don’t know who they are, I’ll sometimes ask to see if they’re connected to someone I know or are friends of my friends. If I don’t know them, I always block them.
What about when you accidentally go to an inappropriate Web site? What do you do?
It hasn’t happened to me, but it has happened to a lot of people at my school. They’re researching projects and weird pages come up. They tell the teacher or the librarian.
At school, they talk to us a lot about technology. We have a Technology Code of Conduct that we sign at the beginning of each year, where we promise to only use computers for educational purposes.
Do you use the Internet a lot for school?
We do. Pretty much every project or report does require a computer so the kids that don’t have computers are kind of out of luck.
I use Google a lot, but also my school district Web page because it has a list of sites that are good for different subjects and researching.
It’s hard to know if a site is reliable. I’ve learned the first thing to do is check the spelling. If there are errors, it’s probably not a good resource. And also don’t just get your information from one site, compare between a few and see if they say the same thing. At the bottom of the page, you can usually see when a site was last updated, and that’s good to check sometimes, too.
Do you use email?
I’ve had my own e-mail since before first grade, but I don’t use it much anymore. I use it with family because they don’t have MySpace or Facebook, but my friends use MySpace and Facebook to communicate, or we text on our phones.
Can you have cell phones at school?
We can-as long as our teachers don’t see them. We can’t have them out or anything. I keep mine on vibrate but most kids turn it off or put it on silent. We don’t really use it to talk to each other in school; it’s more for texting or calling our parents when someone forgets something.
Anyone ever had problems with bullying texts, sometimes called “flames”?
Yeah, one bad thing is you’re not sure who’s ‘talking’ or if it’s really that person. Some of my friends have gotten into fights when someone else has stolen the phone and texted something weird. A lot of people borrow other people’s cell phones or ask to look at the phones, so it happens often. I try not to let people use my cell phone to avoid that.
What would you say to an 8-year-old who’s just starting to use the Internet and email for the first time?
Be careful. Make sure you don’t talk to strangers, just like in real life. And remember that nothing is secret online. Any email you send someone can be forwarded and copied, and you might not want that. Don’t say anything you don’t want.
On the Internet, make your search as detailed as possible, because if you type in “American Girl doll” you’ll get a lot of things you probably wouldn’t want to. At that age, I’d say ask your parent to help you.
What advice would you give parents?
I would say it depends on the age. With younger kids, there’s so much bad stuff on the Internet, parents should help them if they’re researching a project. But with older kids, I think parents sometimes overprotect their kids, and sometimes that’s good-but not always.
For example, sometimes the time limit is hard if I’m researching a project, but my Mom is lenient on that and lets me get on her AOL account if I need to finish something.
Are you saying that because your Mom is in the room, by any chance?
Um, she is.
Lisea Lark is a 13-year-old eighth grader who attends a public middle school in Columbia, SC.
