Parents are increasingly using social networks to keep kids safer online and in the real world, but sometimes you need structure to succeed, as parent Kate Mattos discovered.
I opened the drawer of my jewelry box and my stomach dropped: there was nothing in the drawer, nothing. A black hole of stolen jewelry. I checked the next drawer, and the next. They too were empty. I had been burgled.
Later that bright spring morning, the police came and took my report. That’s when I learned that there had been other burglaries in my safe, suburban neighborhood. The burglar typically struck in the morning, shortly after people had left for work. With 30 or more homes hit in the area, why had I not known?
My next step was one that would not have even been possible 15 years ago: I got on the Internet. I checked the police department Website and found a running list of burglaries in my area. I e-mailed my civic association leadership to tell them about it.
Next, I sent a note to my middle school PTA listserv. I knew that parents occasionally leave sick children home alone while they spend a few hours at work-what if the burglar entered a home with a child in it? Or a child came home early and surprised the villain in the house?
Almost as soon as I hit “send,” PTA listserv exploded. Parents were sympathetic, curious, worried. They wanted to know when it happened, what was taken, and how I was. I learned about the burglaries in an adjacent quiet leafy neighborhood-so many, in fact, that the civic association there had put out articles and held a meeting about the problem. Worried about the kids, the school principal emailed with me, noting that the school was distributing a handout urging parents to follow safety guidelines, such as ensuring that children don’t walk home alone. Teachers sent e-mails and asked how my child was handling the situation.
I was grateful for the support, but I began to notice something. Here was all this advice in a chattering listserv, but not one expert leading the discussion. What was the best way to navigate all the considerate suggestions and caring advice? No one was a home security specialist or a police officer-someone who could take all the collective concern to the next level of action and protection. No one to give us next steps and solutions.
Welcome to Democracy 2007. Make no mistake: I love the fact that at 11:00 at night I can reach out and find support. I love the power of finding out more with a click of the mouse. Networking proved to be an extraordinary way to get connected to people who really do care about me. This e-conversation was a community builder. And I did get, I think, good advice.
But I came to strongly believe that the outpouring of counsel must be tempered by expertise. I needed to learn about the best ways to protect myself and my family and about the after-effects of a burglary, the loss and deep uneasiness. I needed to know how to help my child develop the skills to stay safe. The reality is that I got that offline, from the police, a security company, and an expert at work.
I thought about my sixth-grader and the way she uses social networks. She often gets “real” information from her friends through their e-mail communications. They trade stories-some real, some
not-about what lurks on the Internet, on the streets, or in the school. No one is monitoring those conversations. No expert is there to help give facts or guide their conversations.
For many online lists and social networks, open discussion in which everyone is equal is the point-and indeed, the value. But in some cases, especially when it comes to safety (for children or adults, online or off), it can be useful to include reliable authorities to move things to the next level. Here are a few suggestions:
- Include or nominate leaders and experts who can speak with authority on certain topics and guide the discussion (reining it in if it becomes speculative or off-topic).
- Help youth understand the differences between “experts” in online forums (often well intentioned contributors) and those whose credentials can be verified and who have authority to speak to an issue.
- Remind kids that you can read their online communications. (Yes, it can be done!) Then, help to interpret speculative or faulty information.
- Place computers where you can monitor what children are doing. At home, I keep computers out of bedrooms.
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Kate Mattos is Communications Counsel for the National Education Association and the mother of an 11- year-old daughter.
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