Do you feel you’re up to speed on the digital life of your tween/teen?
I feel very up to speed with the digital life of my teen and am highly familiar with the technology that defines it. The main reason is that I am a “techie,” and have been for years, surrounding myself with technology since the 1980s. That said, our youngest daughter (age 13) does NOT have a wireless phone. (She tells us she is the ONLY student in the ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE who doesn’t have one; we honestly don’t care.) She’ll have one eventually, but right now, she doesn’t need one; it is simply a convenience/luxury/status item for her at this point in her life. All computers in our home are in our family room. We give her a lot of freedom online because we have worked hard to establish an environment of mutual trust and respect. She has given us all of her usernames and passwords and (usually) won’t venture onto a new website before asking us. We monitor the websites she visits, we know everyone on her IM buddy list, and we have repeatedly stressed what information is and is not acceptable in an online profile. She creates websites regularly (using services like Freewebs.com) but always shares her work with us. Most importantly, she is actively developing her artistic and literary skills via digital art and a collaborative adventure story (inspired by ‘Twilight’) she is writing with a friend. It’s currently 50 pages, single-spaced, and they say they are going to keep writing for a long time. These are just some of the examples of how technology is used in our household in productive, healthy ways.
A recent study, found that many mothers (I don’t know why fathers were excluded from this study!) fear that “cyber dangers” are as real and harmful as drunk driving or experimenting with drugs (see the link below). Do you feel the same way or do you have a different take on tweens/teens’ digital activity? Please explain.
That survey was conducted by Harris Interactive for McAfee, a marketer of computer security products. While they are probably genuinely concerned about the customers they serve, in the final analysis, they’re really just trying to sell software. In fact, for a rebuttal of sorts, see: Online Predation An Exaggerated Problem written by Larry Magid. He sums the article up nicely with this quote: “That might be how moms feel, but it’s not reflective of the real world.”
To get a look at the real world, I’d suggest parents check out research like “Networked Families” by PEW/Internet and “Teens’ Online Safety Improved by Education, Research Shows” by Dian Schaffhauser. These studies illustrate many similar points - for example, the importance of education, mutual respect and setting limits - but without inflammatory language. Yes, there are risks online. Yes, easily avoidable behaviors magnify those risks. But do they rise to the level of danger associated with drug and alcohol abuse? No. Peer pressures to experiment with drugs and alcohol are far worse. Cyber dangers are easier to deal with because peer pressure is (usually) not the driving force behind online experimentation; curiosity is. As a parent who is also a technology teacher, I feel that the best way to handle curiosity is education.
Over the holidays and well into the new year, parents will consider purchasing wireless devices, phones, computers, video games and other tech toys/tools for their tweens/teens. Are your children requesting the latest tech gadgets, and if so, do you feel comfortable buying them the products they’re requesting?
Our children (two daughters, ages 13 and 18) are not requesting anything electronic, though Santa is bringing our family its first Wii console (Ssssssh! It’s a surprise!) We’re not at all concerned with the online play aspects of the Wii platform; we know our kids will use the device responsibly. One of the reasons we chose the Wii (vs. an XBox 360 or PS3) is the family-friendly nature of the games. In our household, the Wii becomes just another electronic device, and our kids will use it as responsibly as they do the computers in our home.
As a caring and aware parent, have you found any particularly helpful resources –in addition to bNetSavvy.org — for parents who are concerned about keeping children safe online? If so, please share that information. If not, can you explain what kind of resources you would like to have?
In my opinion, some of the best resources for education on these topics are Larry Magid’s and Anne Collier’s Connect Safely ; Anne Collier’s Net Family News blog ; and Common Sense Media’s ‘For Parents’ section. All of these are worth browsing to increase one’s knowledge of what’s REALLY happening in cyberspace. These can be read online or subscribed to via RSS or email. Their writing is timely, free of bias, and easily digestible (virtually jargon-free). More importantly, they are communities where parents can easily participate - even if they have never commented on a blog or joined a forum before. To me, the real power of Web 2.0 is that it has changed the user dynamic, giving those that desire it a chance to participate in the discussion, rather than simply be receivers of information.
As a caring, active parent, do you feel that families have the kind of support they need — from schools, the community, the local and federal government — to help keep children safer online? Can good parenting alone help keep kids protected online, or do you feel that the more needs to be done in terms of specific school, community, and state/federal oversight policies?
I don’t need support from anyone to keep my children safe online, that’s my job, but I am thankful for (most of) the attention the topic of cybersafety has gotten in the media of late. It’s helped to establish the importance of the discussion and to encourage other parents to participate – to see that it is in fact a serious problem that requires their involvement. It is hard, though, for many parents who don’t have a comfort level with technology and who can’t (or won’t) read blogs or visit websites to get educated. I fear for those parents, and for their children, because they are the ones at the greatest risk. Those families need education - not fear-mongering, ratings-generating exploitative shows like some of the “catch a predator” shows on TV.
Bottom line, GOOD PARENTING IS THE BEST WAY to keep kids protected online, especially when parents get their information from bias-free non-profit institutes and industry experts with no agenda other than educating the public. That said, I think schools have a responsibility as well, as is the case in Virginia (see also) and New Jersey (see also ). The problem is, even THESE STATE ORGANIZATIONS often fall prey to the media hype of late and can sometimes perpetuate misconceptions about the true risks. For example, see: ‘Internet Predator Stereotypes Debunked in New Study’. The Crimes against Children Research Center (CNRC), University of New Hampshire is widely respected as a source of bias-free, current and accurate information on this topic. Organizations like this need support from community members everywhere, and most importantly, they need to have their information disseminated to the widest possible audience.
As a tech teacher and parent, I find State and Federal oversight policies a bit scary, primarily because our elected representatives don’t always seem to be as up-to-date on these topics and trends as are smaller, more nimble, innovative groups like the NCMEC and CNRC. While there is evidence that this is changing, it is a slow process, maddeningly frustrating to those of us who are working hard to educate ourselves and those around us. As a result, well-intentioned legislation largely miss the point and create new barriers to accessing legitimate educational websites, for example. Well written laws, enforced swiftly and effectively, will protect our citizens best. That’s easier said than done, in my view, unfortunately!
Kevin Jarrett is a parent and teacher from Northfield, New Jersey.
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