Wireless Devices

By Allison Cohen

For most teenagers, texting has become an integrated part of their social networking. It is, however, still a mystery and possibly a cause of concern for many parents and teachers not familiar with the phenomenon.

We see letters like “ttyl” and wonder what in the world these kids are saying (talk to you later). Teachers see kids who have become so adept at texting that they can send messages from the pocket of their pants to avoid detection, and we wonder what they are up to.

I recently had a conversation with about 90 of my students (all high school juniors and seniors) and asked them to give me the heads up on current texting practices.

Do students use texting to cheat?

As a teacher, I have always been concerned that students would use this technology to cheat on a test by texting answers to classmates. My students informed me, “Please, that was so two years ago.” (Yes, we adults will never keep up with students’ use of technology; if we know about it, then it’s already passé to them.)

It turns out that students are generally too afraid of getting caught to cheat using text messages. Only 13 percent of my students reported that they witnessed or knew of someone who cheated using a text message. They said it was too difficult to send the information, and the likelihood of getting caught was way too high to run the risk.

Who’s texting during the school day? (Hint: It’s not the kids)

The vast majority of students said that most of the text messages they receive during a school day were from their parents. Parents remind them of appointments, make travel arrangements for after-school activities, or just check in to see how a test went.

Many school districts forbid wireless phone use during the school day and require that wireless phones be turned off during school hours. My school requires that violators’ phones be confiscated and turned in to the main office where parents must personally come by the school and pick up the phone.

Students said that most parents don’t see the rationale behind such a rule and will continue to text their children anyway. This puts students in a bind: if they don’t respond to parental texts, they upset their parents; but if students do respond to parental texts, they violate school policy.

What’s the current text speak lingo?

Probably one of the least understood aspects of texting includes the foreign—to adults, anyway—abbreviations teenagers use to communicate with one another. I have included some of the more common abbreviations (provided by my students, see answers below)

Test Your Knowledge: What are they saying?

1. bff
2. rofl
3. gtg
4. ttyl
5. idk
6. omg
7. cya
8. oic
9. pc
10. thx
11. wtf
12. gtfo
13. jmo
14. jmho
15. lmao
16. brb
17. pos

. answers below
However, students shared that these abbreviations are being used less often because of T9 (software that automatically completes words for the user). My students said that their younger siblings tend to use abbreviations more than they do and that girls tend to use them more than boys.

Should teachers worry about how texting may affect a student’s writing skills?

I’m not sure which might worry English teachers more: accepted use of poor grammar and abbreviations used in texts, or a predictive text program, such as T9 mentioned above, that automatically completes the spelling of a word.

Yet most of the English teachers with whom I spoke don’t see a cause for alarm. Just as teachers preach the dangers of relying on spell check, we must now make sure students recognize the difference between a message and a well-constructed paragraph.

Anecdotally, I notice that my students seem to be much more adept at capturing tone in electronic communication than adults, even if it is sometimes accomplished through the use of emoticons. :-/

Should teachers worry about how texting may affect a student’s character?

As an educator, one of my concerns is that texting makes it easier for students to engage in nefarious activities. I have heard of instances where students use text messages to set up meetings for drug usage, etc. While this is certainly not the norm, it is an area of concern for any school, as is harassment or other forms of bullying that may be accomplished through texting.

Students need to be aware that any school official with reasonable suspicion (or police officer with probable cause) can search the text history of a student’s phone to find out if they are engaging in illegal activities.

Some students seem to think that taking the battery out of their wireless phone is enough to prevent such a search, but the reality is that most wireless phones use the same battery now. Replace the battery, and it is very easy to track texting history. While students feel that this is an invasion of their privacy, parents should advise them that it is simply an effort to keep them safe.

What’s In:

• Parents texting to keep in touch with their children
• T9 and other predictive text programs
• Upon entering college, using texts to easily keep in touch with friends from high school
• Emoticons, still {:0)

What’s Out:

• Parents trying to sound cool by using teenage vernacular (don’t tell your child that you are in “da club” if you are working out in your health club). Emoticons are fine though.
• Overuse of cute abbreviations (especially for older teenagers)

What parents can do to open communication lines:

• Involve your child in the process of determining which plan to purchase for their wireless phone. Make it a practical finance lesson.
• Make sure you talk about your school’s policies regarding wireless phone usage.
• Don’t be afraid to use texting to keep in touch with your children, to ask where are they, what are they up to. Remember, however, to respect school policies regarding texting/wireless phone use.

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Allison Cohen teaches Advanced Placement Government, Introduction to Philosophy, and World Religions at Langley High School in Fairfax County, VA. She is a graduate of The College of William and Mary where she received her Masters in Education.

Answers to the Quiz

1. bff – best friends forever
2. rofl – rolling on the floor laughing
3. gtg – got to go
4. ttyl – talk to you later
5. idk – i don’t know
6. omg – oh my god
7. cya – see you (see you later)
8. oic – oh, I see
9. pc – peace (used as a parting salutation)
10. thx – thanks
11. wtf – what the (you can fill in the “f” for yourself)
12. gtfo – get the (again, fill in the “f” for yourself) out, translation, “no way”
13. jmo – just my opinion
14. jmho – just my humble opinion
15. lmao – laugh my (you can fill in the “a” for yourself) off, used to make light of or pokefun at
16. brb – be right back…as in I’ll be right back or I’ll be gone for a minute
17. pos – parent over shoulder

For “real” answers about why and how kids text, we went to a pro – a teen who’s been texting for years. Jasmine Gregory, 17, discusses her texting habits and offers advice to concerned parents/educators
Q: Tell me about when you first started texting.

A: I got my first wireless phone during the 8th grade (which is considerably late now a days) and probably didn’t start using text messaging on a regular basis until the start of my freshman year.

By the middle of my sophomore year, most of my friends were using text messaging on a regular basis just to keep in touch, sometimes for gossip, or to ask a question about an assignment.

I thought texting was really difficult at first, but the more you do something the easier it becomes and a couple million messages later, I can text over 50 words per minute.

Q: Tell me how your parents have felt about your texting. Have they been supportive or resistant?

A: At first my parents really didn’t understand text messaging. I can recall being at the dinner table once and my phone making this little “ding” sort of a noise and they assumed someone was calling me and then I had to explain to them that it was a text message. They had heard about it but didn’t understand how I could use 12 keys to be the equivalent to 26 letters and then numbers as well.

My mother was always ok with my text messaging, as long as it didn’t interfere with schoolwork. However, my father has always been a little against technology (especially technology he doesn’t understand) and would sometimes end up frustrated with the non-stop “ding” my phone was making. I think he felt a little disconnected because I could have all these conversations with my friends without saying a word out loud and he wouldn’t have a clue what was being said.

When he would approach me about what I was talking about, of course I would be resistant because when you’re 14 years old the things you are discussing with your friends seem too personal and sometimes embarrassing to discuss with your parents.

I think my parents learned to put themselves in my shoes, step back, and respect my privacy when it came to my text messaging. They trusted me and that I would make the right decisions not to abuse the technology they had provided me with.

Yet, now both my parents are capable of text messaging and I feel it keeps us extremely connected. Being an older teen and having my license, it gives me a fast and easy way to let my family know that I have safely made it to where ever I am going. It also gives me the chance to let them know I’m thinking of them if I’m out of town or out with my friends. I think this is the same with my friends as well, if their parents can text, they also use it as a fast way to stay connected.

Q: What is your preferred tool for texting, and why? What are the texting tool choices out there for tweens/teens, and what do you think people prefer?

A: For me, my preferred tool for texting is a regular wireless phone because I have the keys memorized and can text without looking. Rarely am I just texting, I’m usually doing something else at the same time.

Even though I can type on a normal keyboard about 80-90 words per minute I find it extremely difficult to text on a Blackberry because I have to think a lot more about where each letter is.

For me, it’s all about how fast I can move my fingers and on a Blackberry there are just too many keys. A majority of my friends use and seem to prefer Blackberry’s or devices with full keyboards because those phones have a lot more capabilities. They can check their email, Facebook, My Space, access Instant Messenger, and so much more. It’s all about convenience and accessibility; however, it’s addictive, and these are the teens you never see put their phones down.

To stay connected, most tweens and young teenagers only need a simple wireless phone. I definitely recommend unlimited texting plans so that there are no surprises. I can’t begin to count how many times one of my friends has gone over their texting limit and stuck their family with an additional $200 to their already pricey wireless phone bill.

Q: Can you text from a computer? Can you text TO a computer?

A: Most wireless phone carriers have a link somewhere on their webpage for texting from a computer; however, you have to have a wireless phone with text messaging to respond. My wireless phone is connected to AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) so my Instant Messages (IMs) come to my phone when I’m not signed on. I’m able to respond to these messages and my mom tends to use AIM to text me because it takes a lot less time than doing it manually on her wireless phone.

Q: What’s your favorite thing about texting? What’s the worst thing about texting? Can you think of a time when texting really helped you or a time when it did the opposite?

A: My favorite thing about texting is that I can talk to my friends and family while doing something else. I’m a big-time multitasker and texting definitely helps me in that area. Everyone seems to be in a hurry these days and texting is way for me to stay connected and in little time.

However, the downside to texting is that it gives people the chance to say things that they wouldn’t dare say to someone’s face. I know my best friend was broken up with in a text message because the boy was afraid to say it to her face because he didn’t want to see her cry. Another downside to texting– people can forward a message to someone else and there is no telling whose phone it may end up in and what repercussions may follow.

Q: So is emailing really obsolete for “kids” your age?

A: I do think email is a bit obsolete for kids these days primarily because of instant messaging services. I’ve been using AIM since I was in the 4th grade and the only time I would email my friends is if they weren’t signed on to AIM and I needed to tell them something. Now that we all have wireless phones we can just shoot someone a text with the same information. Another big communication tool for us, especially since we’ve been in high school are social networking sites like My Space and Facebook.

Q: Do you think texting has affected your ability to write well or think clearly?

A: I don’t believe texting has affected my writing abilities because I’ve always loved writing and work hard at writing well, but I know my texting or AIM slang has slipped into my speech before. I’ve found myself saying “I-D-K” for I don’t know or “I-D-C” for I don’t care. I think text/IM slang can easily slip into people’s writing or speech for that matter but most of my peers tend to correct themselves right away.

Q: Should adults — both parents and educators — who are clueless about texting be worried about their kids’/students’ use of it? Why or why not?

A: I don’t believe worried is the word to use here. I think it’s important to be informed. Understanding how text messaging works and how to do it is the first step. I think all parents with a kid who is using text messaging should know how to text. If they don’t understand it, I think most kids are willing to show their parents the basic ropes and if by some chance they aren’t, I’m positive they can find someone else to give them a run-down.

Educators on the other hand, I think it is their job specifically to teach kids proper writing etiquette. Because my teachers showed me what was acceptable and what wasn’t when it comes to writing a paper, I know that I can’t use the things I would in a text message or instant message (i.e., b/c, w/, ttyl, etc.) because it is not proper. I would encourage educators to keep an open mind about text messaging.

Q: Do kids use texting to cheat?

A: I know most kids that want to text during school figure out a way to.
I know of one instance at another high school where a student tried to use texting to cheat but was caught and put to “trial” by the honor council. For teachers, I think it’s important to reinforce before a test that text messaging is not allowed and maybe even urge to students to pull out their wireless phones and turn them off.

Another thing educators could possibly do is encourage parents to talk to their kid about how important it is to have their wireless phone off during school. The smallest things really can make a difference.

Q: Do kids use texting to deceive their parents or to be closer to their parents or both?

A: I can’t think of any instance where kids have used texting specifically to deceive their parents. Text messaging may be one way to mislead but if it’s not texting, it’s probably going to be something else.

Personally, I use text messaging to be closer to my parents. I don’t look at it as being any different than other means of communication. If I’m out of town without them or out with a friend I use text messaging as a quick way to let them know I’m thinking of them, that I’m safe, or something along those lines.

Having parents that are able to text has definitely enhanced my communication with them and I think most of my friends with parents who can text feel the same way. I definitely feel like texting has brought me closer to my father specifically. He was so against it in the beginning but now that he can text, he’s okay with me using it and takes advantage of it as a way to become closer to me.

Dr. Donald Shifrin, Vice Chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Council on Communications and Media, has a radical solution for parents looking to control their children’s texting behavior: good old-fashioned parenting. “That’s right, G.O.P.,” he says, “and I don’t mean “grand old party.”

“Parents are providing this resource [wireless phones with texting plans] to the kids, so they should be in charge of it. It quickly outruns parents’ ability to be in charge of it, but they should try to be in charge.”

While the AAP has no formal recommendations for parents concerned about texting and their children’s wellbeing (official recommendations take up to two years, much too slow to keep up with kids’ ever-changing tech behavior), Shifrin says his committee recommends parental vigilance and certainly a passing knowledge of the individual tech devices that are bought for the children.

“If parents see 300 text messages a month on the bill, that’s ten a day which is pretty much nothing,” he says. “But more than 300 messages a month, they are going to have to be vigilant, just like with youngsters and bike helmets. Parents should monitor texting activity and ensure kids aren’t texting at the dinner table, at church, not all the time in the car, not at night under the covers in bed.”

“If I can’t access my youngster because he’s using this tool to access other things,” Shifrin says “then I’m going to have to say the same thing I would say if he’s watching TV when it’s inappropriate: ‘We can eliminate that distraction.’”

Easier said than done? Perhaps. Shifrin acknowledges that most kids “from sixth grade up” seem to be texting these days, and that texting is a “social construct.” Parents are sensitive to the fact that kids feel peer pressure to text – it is “the” form of communication for tweens and teens.

“A kid without a wireless phone in sixth or seventh grade is looked upon as weird,” he notes. That pressure gets passed on to the parents – how can they forcefully “eliminate” the distraction of texting if it seems crucial to their child’s ability to fit in with his/her peers? How can they protect their children from risks of texting but still allow their children to interact “normally” with their peer group?

That’s where Dr. Don’s Four M’s come in, Shifrin’s four-step plan for creating and managing children’s choices and behaviors – including texting.

1. Model behaviorModel the behavior you want your children to have. Are you on your mobile or tech devices at inappropriate times? Set ground rules for yourself and follow through. Be a good tech role model for your children.
2. Mentor your childTeach the child “here’s what I want you to do, here’s what’s appropriate.” Let your child know “if you have this resource, this privilege, there are certain times it won’t be available,” based on what’s appropriate social behavior for your family. Shifrin suggests, “Parents may want to set up an agreement with their child about usage, much the same way they do about setting up driving contracts with teens.
3. Monitor the behavior you have modeled and taughtBe aware and alert. Are your children behaving the way you have discussed within a reasonable degree of certainty? Is the device now causing them to have significant disagreement and disconnection with their parents? Are you noticing any out-of-the-normal activities or language: disinterest or disconnection, too many minutes used, sneaking texting at inappropriate times?
4. MediateIf your monitoring shows a real deviation in the behavior that you’d like, you have to mediate to a better solution and say, “I have noticed that you have not been using your phone according to our agreement. Here’s what we can do until you show you can use the phone in a more responsible way.” Show them that the negative behavior is noticed and has consequences.

A consequence Shifrin endorses? Confiscation of the wireless phone and/or cutting off texting privileges. “Just like in the 1950s – you’re grounded. Only we call this electronic grounding,” he says.

“Parents have to say to the youngsters, ‘I’m going to pay attention to your behavior, and pay attention to how you use this resource which we have given you as a privilege.’ It’s still a privilege to get this every month. Let your children know what’s appropriate and what’s not.”

Again, for Dr. Don, it all comes down to basic parenting, which has never been easy, but now is significantly harder in this age of Generation C (connectivity). With planning and persistence, however, you can help keep your text-frenzied child safe and healthy.

By Jace Galloway-Shoemaker

Texting is a form of wireless communication where users send or receive short, digital messages electronically. Texting is also known as SMS (Short Message Service). Although the bulk of texting is done via mobile-to-mobile devices, websites and companies are also jumping on the bandwagon. Some companies allow users to “web text” by sending and receiving text messages to mobile devices from their computers. Many provide the service for free.

Text messaging is an extremely popular method of communication. CTIA-The Wireless Association®, the international association for the wireless telecommunications industry, reported that over 48 billion text messages were sent in a one-month period in 2007, which averages 1.6 billion messages per day.

Who Is Texting?

Statistics show that texting is not just for kids. According to the Pew Internet Project’s December 2007 survey, 31 percent of American adults send or receive text messages every day, while 60 percent of young adults text daily.

The world of texting is putting a new spin on traditional events:

• Samsung Telecommunications America reports 61 percent of Americans, if given the chance, would prefer to vote in presidential elections via text messaging.
• Quantas, an Australian airline, will begin a trial period of in-flight text messaging and Air New Zealand may soon follow. In-flight texting would allow passengers to keep in touch with loved ones on the ground without disturbing fellow passengers in cramped quarters.
• In an effort to better communicate with the community, the Boynton, Florida, Police Department launched the “Citizen Observer Program”. By registering online, citizens can receive emergency alerts on their wireless phones. And texting is a two-way street for this department; citizens can text tips to police. Police departments in Boston, Louisville, Seattle, Kansas City, and other major cities are also using text messaging to augment law enforcement efforts.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, in partnership with law enforcement agencies and participating wireless carriers, now issues Wireless AMBER Alerts. Through this free service, wireless phone subscribers are able to receive an urgent child-abduction bulletin in the form of a text message (see http://www.wirelessamberalerts.org/)

What Does a Text Message Look Like? Using Text Speak

If you’ve never texted before, don’t worry – you don’t need to know a special “texting language” in order to send messages. Plain English (or whatever language you’re using) works just fine. However, because the maximum length of a text message is 160 characters (letters, numbers, symbols), many people do rely on abbreviations when they text, so that they can say more in less space. This abbreviated form of language is often referred to as “text speak.”

Text speak “words” are often actual phrases—for example, laugh out loud—reduced to letters: LOL. Vowels, consonants, and entire words are often omitted (“thanks” becomes thx, and “can’t talk” becomes CT). Numbers are used in place of words (sexy becomes 6Y). There are numerous text speak translators and converter tools available online.

Text Speak Examples:

LOL Laugh out loud
TTFN Ta-ta-for-now
BBL Be back later
THX Thanks
ILU or 143 I love you
BF or B/F Boyfriend
GF or G/F Girlfriend
6Y Sexy
CT Can’t talk
DL or D/L Download
L8R Later
2 To, Too or Two
SRY Sorry
HW Homework
LGH Let’s Get High
POS Parents over shoulder
LMIRL Let’s meet in real life

2 Text or Not 2 Text?

Can you keep your child/student from texting, and should you? Might you benefit from texting, or at least from learning how to text? To make informed decisions, parents and educators need to be aware of the positive and negative aspects of text messaging.

Positive Aspects:

• Talking and email take time – text messages are short and instantaneous
• Conversing via phone requires quiet – texting works in crowded or noisy environments
• Wireless phone ring tones and conversations disturb others in public places – text messages are silent and non-intrusive
• Texting may boost confidence for those who are shy or don’t like face-to-face or voice-to-voice interaction
• Overworked multitaskers often lose touch with friends and family – texting helps people stay in touch because it’s so quick and effortless
• Long distance phone calls get expensive – a text message can be cheaper
• Texts can work as message reminders (birthdays, anniversaries, to-do lists)
• Text messages deliver quick updates on news and weather
• School systems, police departments, and government agencies are increasingly using texting as a way to relay emergency notification

Negative Aspects:

• Because of possible disruptions and academic dishonesty, many schools prohibit wireless phone usage during school hours.
• Cyberbullying is a rapidly growing trend that can have serious consequences. Electronic bullying is accomplished through any type of electronic device, including cell phones.
• Many children do not tell a trusted adult if they are bullied electronically.
• Texting while driving or crossing the street can be dangerous – the risk seems obvious, but many teens/tweens do text while driving and walking. A 2007 American Automobile Association study found, for example, that 46 percent of 16- and 17-year-old drivers send text messages while driving.
• There are some concerns that text speak will negatively impact children’s writing and grammar skills. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, over 60 percent of American teenagers admit that they include some form of texting in their school work.
• “Sexting” is the sending of provocative or explicit text messages or photographs using wireless devices. From flirtatious messages to nude photographs, sexting is a growing concern. Often, the racy photos or messages are disseminated to others.
• Depending on the phone plan, text messaging costs can be prohibitive. Some plans charge a flat rate for each text message sent or delivered while other mobile phone carriers offer unlimited texting for a set monthly fee. If texting is done sporadically, the flat rate may be a better option. Text messaging can be blocked on many services.
• Texting may be more impersonal than face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversations, and young people may use texting as a form of emotional avoidance.
• Typing on a mobile device may be difficult for some users due to the size of the keypad or typing can be arduous.
• A 2006 survey from Virgin Mobile reported nearly 4 million people in the UK reported numbness or pain in thumbs, fingers or wrists from text-related injuries.

What’s a Parent or Educator 2 Do?

The negatives seem to outweigh the positives, but texting seems to be here to stay, at least until something even quicker and “cooler” takes its place. Parents and educators can’t afford to ignore the practice or wish it away. Before allowing your child to text or making school policy regarding texting, make sure you feel well-informed and ready to set clear guidelines. Education, awareness and communication are crucial.

TECH TIP FOR PARENTS

Want addresses, locations, or phone numbers without paying for 411? You can text the name of a business or restaurant to GOOGL on your wireless phone keypad (that’s google without the “E”), and it will look up the information and text it to you. Free, from Google, but you may have to pay for incoming or outgoing text messages.

For more information:

http://www.nsteens.org/
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Jace Shoemaker-Galloway is the Regional Office of Education #26 Internet Safety Coordinator. What began three years ago as an interest and hobby has become a full-time career and passion. To date, she has educated over 750 children with personalized curriculums she created. She also educates parents and teachers. She is Chairperson of a team of community leaders she assembled, the Macomb Online Safety Team (M.O.S.T.) and is a regular newspaper columnist for the Macomb Journal.

Not quite sure how to best manage your tween’s texting behavior? Wondering if your child is too young to text or if you should cave and let him/her have a wireless phone? You’re not alone.

Dr. Donald Shifrin, of the American Academy of Pediatrics, says that he even he cannot see the usefulness of a wireless phone/texting device for children under 11-12 (except under specific circumstances), although he acknowledges it is hard to keep young kids from wanting such devices.

“There’s no question that the mobile device is now the preferred tech toy for younger children,” he says. “And the situation is such that the second or third child now wants what the first child in middle school just received: a wireless phone. The line just keeps getting more vague, as more phones and plans are offered.”

“Parents will always feel that they are depriving their children, but this should be normal. What is not normal is giving them carte blanche with a device that may not allow them to do age-appropriate actions.”

Shifrin’s advice to parents? “Be in charge of the parameters about how the device is used – minutes, connections, texting, Internet connectivity. Set up guidelines before, during and after purchase of a mobile device.”

Want even more advice? Sometimes it helps to hear about what’s worked, and what hasn’t, for other parents. So we’ve gathered a sampling of parental stories and strategies on how to handle texting tweens.

No Wireless Phone, Period: An Adamant Mom’s Strategy

Paula Blythe, 51, is an elementary school teacher and librarian, and the mother of Taylor, 12 (she also has two adult children in their mid-late twenties). Despite Taylor’s constant requests for a wireless phone, Paula has remained firm: no wireless phone, no way.

We’ve pretty much put the squelch on wireless phone use. I really feel like the wireless phone is a luxury, for convenience and emergencies only, and something we wouldn’t consider for Taylor.

He tells me, “Mom, I’m the only one, why can’t I have one, I need one.” – I’m used to the pressure and used to saying no, and my husband is of the same opinion.

I guess part of my concern of course is the cost, the expense. But it’s also about responsibility. I don’t see any reason for him to have it. He’s at home or at school or at my mom’s, and if there are emergencies there are phones at all of those places. A wireless phone gives him an excuse to not be responsible, to call and say “I’m at so-and-so’s house,” when he’s not supposed to be. I don’t think he’s ready for that responsibility.

My husband and I are together on this, that’s an important thing. And I know it’s not easy for kids, and it’s not easy for parents. But if Taylor says he has practice then it’s my responsibility to be there so he’s not left or has to call. I am there. I’m accountable, and I make him accountable – if he’s supposed to be there, he’s supposed to be there.

In the same way, he has responsibilities at home. We model responsibility for him, and we talk and reason with him. And we encourage him to direct his energy in other ways. For example, my husband and I have been 4-H leaders for 20 years. Taylor’s been in 4-H since he was a baby, and he’s learned from the example of leadership he sees in the group.

I took a group of 4-H kids on a trip last summer and one of the boys was on the wireless phone constantly, and the other kids were put out with him. They’d say, “Why can’t you enjoy what you’re dong here?” There was no need for him to be on phone the whole time, kind of a show-off thing, it seemed, and I thought, “This is silly.”

As a teacher, I see the influence of texting – kids don’t know how to spell or punctuate. It’s a new type of communication now, I know. My older kids are both very good at that Facebook and texting all the time, and Taylor’s been around them enough to know what they do, and he’s used their phones, but they’re probably more adamant about him following the rules than I am.

As with any family issue, it’s about keeping good relationships. It’s about supporting one another. Not all kids have that. But I try to have that with my kids. And wireless phones or texting for Taylor, at his age? No. I’m not budging on this one.

Wireless phone Only with Strict Parental Control and Consequences: A Wary Dad’s Strategy

Paul Mazzei, 50, had no idea his tween daughter Lara was in “texting trouble” until the warning signs became too obvious to miss. Mazzei maintains that regular parent-child communication and constant parental vigilance are crucial to keeping a tween or teen’s texting behavior under control.

When Lara first got her phone, she was in eighth grade, I think. She was doing after-school sports, so we thought it would be a good way to be able to reach her after school, since we both work. She’s 16 now, so this was three years ago, and even then, it seemed everybody else had phones, even kids in fifth and sixth grade.

Very quickly we ran into problems, but it was just poor parenting on my part that I didn’t see what was happening. She was exhausted all the time, and her grades were falling apart. She was falling apart, emotionally and psychologically.

When I was at a father-daughter dance with her, I found out that she had been participating in a lot of inappropriate texting. She was running around with her friends all night, I knew something was up, but it wasn’t until after we got home – she apparently was up till three in the morning texting, and one text message made her so upset, a text message from a guy, that she wound up waking us and telling us. So there was that.

And then we got the bills.

We took her phone away for three months. She cried and was very upset, but that was it. And now it’s very controlled. The phone is in her mom’s name, so we get all the bills and review everything with Lara. So she knows she is being watched. It’s very expensive still, so we structure our plan so there’s a limit. Now that she’s older she knows what’s right and wrong, that grades are a priority, that good health is a priority.

It was a total example of poor parenting. If you don’t have control, if you don’t know what’s happening with your own child, you’re doing something wrong. You’ve got to have the bills coming to you and sit down with your child and review calls. And if you see inappropriate activity going on, you stop it.

You let the child know that texting, having a phone, that’s a privilege, not a requirement. You’ve got to be tough and take the phone away, if it comes to that.

And even after all of that, just last night we were supposed to talk about some things, and Lara texted – she texted! – from her bedroom that she was going to bed. Rather than come up and deal with a normal but perhaps stressful discussion about grades and school, she tried to text her way out of it.

That’s what bothers me so much about texting. It allows a teenager a way to escape accountability. So we had a little meeting this morning, and tonight we’re going to talk face-to-face, in person, as planned.

I have a very short wick on that stuff. I don’t text because my Blackberry is work-issued and they don’t permit texting. But I believe texting can be a really bad thing because it puts too much control in the hands of a teenager to use a text message versus a live, person-to-person phone call. It allows a teenager to mislead a parent on where they are, or what they are doing.

So if you allow a teen or tween to text, you have to really control it, because it’s seductive for kids. It’s so easy for children to just be sucked into texting all the time, to the point that they’re neglecting their health, schoolwork, and family.

The Family that Texts Together: A Trusting, Texting Mom’s Strategy

Valerie Gregory, in her early 50s, her husband, Carlton, and daughter Jasmine, 17, have made peace with texting in the family. Here’s how:

Jasmine asked for a phone around the age of 11, and we told her she had to wait until she was about 13. Her father actually bought her first phone for Christmas, which was very surprising because he was probably the one who was most against it. But her middle school was way out in woods, and he thought it would be wise for her to have a phone in case of an emergency (school shootings and students being able to call parents seem to be the reason for his change of heart).

We got her a pay-as –you-go type of phone so she could contribute to the cost of it. This also made her more responsible because if she ran out of minutes she would have to wait, because we were only going to purchase this card once a month. She did not have access to texting because it was too expensive.

It probably was in high school before she actually got texting, but again the cost made her more conservative about it. When her first phone died she actually researched payment plans so she could get unlimited texting — it was obvious she wanted to do it more because her friends were doing it more. So this opened the door of unlimited texting!!

Interestingly enough, Jasmine’s father actually sent her first “parent text”. I can remember it so clearly as we were flying to Atlanta and when we arrived, Jasmine texted her dad to tell him that we had arrived safely (saves on phone minutes since she has unlimited text). We were actually kind of doing it as a joke, but when her father texted her back, the joke was on us! We were shocked because we didn’t even know that he was so in tune.

Jasmine first introduced me to texting as a way to communicate with her without using up her phone minutes (because she was still paying for those). So if she had to stay after school and give me a time to pick her up, she would send me a text — which I thought was kind of nice because it was quiet and could be done without talking.

Still, even though she has unlimited text, when she sends it to us, we have to pay for it. So she installed Aim [AOL Instant Messaging] on my computer, and now we can text and not use up our phone minutes.

Jasmine texts all the time now. She rarely talks on the phone and her connections with her friends are through texting. (Want to go to the mall? What time? Meet you there? What are you wearing?)

I don’t worry too much about it because Jasmine and I have a very open, communicative relationship. We had this before texting, so she tells me a lot about what is going back and forth. To me because we established this kind of relationship early on, it makes it easy for me to trust that she is not abusing this.

We do talk about the bullying that can take place through texting much like the computer. Young people will cuss someone out in a heartbeat through texting and then forward it to others—changing the text at times. She tells me about BIG arguments between people through texting, and we talk about what people will say through this medium that they would never say in person.

There is also “forwarding” in texting, whether it be jokes or a saying for the day. Some times these things can be very sexual in nature as well. She has even shared with me a story about a “drug sell” through texting. The sky is the limit, and this is so frightening. Not that Jasmine shares everything – but she is honest and I trust her enough to know what she is doing.

The only real rule we have had to set is NO TEXTING WHILE DRIVING! If you need to text, stop and do it. We eat as a family and she doesn’t bring her phone to the table. This is our time. This rule kind of set itself, I believe, but it opens the door for communication.
Honestly, texting has really opened the door of communication between Jasmine and me, particularly since she is driving. She lets me know when she arrives, tells me when she is on her way home, etc. This is kind of cool because she can do it quietly and her friends probably don’t realize she is talking with her mom.

One downside: I do think the art of conversation is affected by texting, especially when these young people first meet someone. I find that they are slow to start conversation and seem to struggle with it (even Jasmine). They don’t seem to know how to keep an initial conversation going. What kinds of questions do you ask when you first meet someone? How do you keep a conversation going?

I have seen it in Jasmine and so we purposely put her in situations where she has to keep a conversation going. She hates it but has gotten used to it and seems to manage.
I think it is important for a parent to learn how to text and use it with the child. Being connected in “their world” really helps them to appreciate you and be more welcoming.

Mobile safety in general. Just as in chat rooms and social sites, kids need to think about who they text and talk with. They should never text/talk about sex with strangers. Phones should only be used to communicate with people they know in the real world.
Bullying by phone. Since young people’s social lives increasingly unfold on cell phones as well as the Web, cyberbullying and harassment have gone mobile too. Talk with your kids about how the same manners and ethics you’ve always taught them apply on phones and the Web as in “real life.”

Mobile social networking. Many social sites have a feature that allows users to check their profiles and post comments from their phones. That means some teens can do social networking literally anywhere, in which case any filter you may have installed on a home computer does nothing to block social networking. Talk with your teens about where they’re accessing their profiles or blogs from and whether they’re using the same good sense about how they’re social networking on their phones.

Social mapping. More and more cell phones have GPS technology installed, which means teens who have these phones can pinpoint their friends’ physical location – or be pinpointed by their friends. Talk with your kids about using such technology and advise them to use it only with friends they know in person.

> Valerie’s Six Tips for Parents Whose Kids Text

1. Develop the kind or relationship with your child that is based on open communication. Learn to feel comfortable listening when necessary and nurturing trust in the early stages.
2. Take time to learn and understand how to do texting.
3. It is OK to set parameters about when texting is not appropriate: during family time, while driving, when studying or doing homework.
4. Use texting as a way to communicate with your child.
5. Have a frank talk about security, bullying, abusive use of phones and computers. These conversations should happen before a phone is even purchased.
6. Give children some financial responsibility with texting. Nothing in life is free not even unlimited texting! =)

Wireless Phone Safety Tips – From Connect Safely

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Media-sharing by phone. Most mobile phones we use today have cameras, some videocams – and teens love to share media with friends on all types of mobile devices. There is both a personal-reputation and -safety aspect to this. Talk with your teens about never letting other people photograph or film them in embarrassing or inappropriate situations (and vice versa). They need to understand their own and others’ privacy rights in sharing photos and videos via cell phones.

‘Smart phones.’ We’ve already been over many smart- or 3G-phone features above, but remember they usually include the Web. That means more and more people can access all that the Web offers, appropriate or not, on their phones as well as computers. Mobile carriers are beginning to offer filtering for the content available on their services, but they have no control over what’s on the Web. Parents of younger kids might want to consider turning off Web access and turning on filtering if they’re concerned about access to adult content.

Text messaging costs. On some mobile services, a single text message can cost 15 cents to send and a couple of cents to receive. Check to see if your carrier has flat-rate texting that can be included in your child’s or family’s service plan; otherwise your teens could be using up their entire college fund.

All of a sudden it’s everywhere in the media – texting. On TV, in the papers, the advice columns, even in the comics, people are talking about texting. Every other day I encounter a story about how texting is changing the way people work and socialize. And the more I hear, the grumpier I get.

Because I, the new editor of bNetS@vvy, do not text, have never texted, and cannot fully grasp why texting is all the rage. I’m a non-texter in a texting world, which is to say I am a dinosaur. I’m a mother, a teacher, and a grumpy dinosaur. And I know that if I want to avoid parental and professional extinction; if I want to help children connect safely, I am going 2 have 2 chng my wAz (change my ways). You know, get jiggy down with this texting thing – OK, so I’m not exactly hip with the cool tech lingo. But I’m trying. And oh boy, could I use some 411.

TG (thank goodness) that’s just what this issue offers. Internet safety expert Jace Shoemaker-Galloway gives an overview of how texting works, complete with “text speak” examples, and a list of benefits and drawbacks regarding the general use of texting. Children’s health expert Dr. Donald Shifrin, of the American Academy of Pediatrics, offers specific advice about how to manage children’s texting activity.

In our teacher’s piece, Fairfax County, Virginia high school teacher Allison Cohen goes directly to her students to ask about teen texting behavior at school and at home. Switching perspectives, our Parents’ Corner features first-person accounts from several parents about how texting has affected their family lives – and what strategies they’ve used to encourage safe and responsible texting.

Rounding out the issue is information from a “professional texter” – a teen who discusses why she loves to text and how adults can help young teens be “text savvy.”

Keep in mind that phoning and texting aren’t the only things tweens and teens are doing with their wireless phones – “sexting,” the practice of circulating inappropriate (often sexual) photos and messages via wireless phone, is on the rise as well. To help you address this and other unfortunate realities, we’ve included (courtesy of ConnectSafely.org) general wireless phone safety tips for you to discuss with your child/student.

Thanks for reading, and let us know about your tips/strategies for responsible texting. We’re always looking for new contributors to bnetS@vvy, and we invite you to share your stories with us by emailing internetsafety@nea.org. Together we can help young teens make the most of technology – more safely.